I don't think you should be forced to put with everything simply because you queued in DF nor do I think it's harassment if you either point out that the majority would welcome and fully support (even in case of failure) an adjustment to playstyle or end up kicking someone because of too contradicting playstyles of one vs. the others.
This goes for all roles, not just tank.
It's within everyone's right to decide wether they want to play with someone or not. If one player doesn't like the playstyle of the other 3, I think the best solution is simply to leave. Neither leaving nor trying to come to terms with the others and simply forcing the own playstyle on the group is imo egoistic. If it's a clear majority situation, the one who doesnt seem to fit is best served by just leaving or getting kicked.
This doesn't have to get personal at all and the queue time for certain roles have nothing to do with how valuable their opinion is over others.
I got kicked once because the others didn't like that I spent a lot of time dpsing as a healer and felt sort of unsafe. Okay. Their decision. I wasn't willing to play in a way that I deemed inefficient nor were they willing to trust my abilities, so it's best to part ways early. I requeue, they look for replacement and the next groups are hopefully more to our liking.
In OPs case I really see nothing wrong with it. It's the tank's right to decide they prefer small pulls but if he happens to be in a group where the majority would prefer and support a different style, it's just bad luck for everyone and majority wins.