Tips on being a mentor but not sounding bossy

[Miste]

A mentor who doesn't understand why some folks go on the defensive after receiving advice they didn't ask for? Keep that crown off until you figure it out.

Are you saying mentors should just not mentor unless asked for help?

Mentor system seems flawed because everyone has their own opinions on what a mentor should do and basically says every mentor should uphold their standard otherwise they are a bad mentor, yet in general you won't know what someone elses standard is unless they openly tell you. Usually people don't so then you just end up with a "I ran into a bad mentor" stories on the forum. Some mentors do cross that line in to actually being bad in a general sense if they are rude and/or don't at least give help if asked, but sometimes it is hard to draw a line anywhere above that basic level.

Like I see people say "only give advice if someone asked, don't give unsolicited advice" and then you have the other half saying "you should be actively giving help, you should be actively giving advice, you shouldn't be a mentor if you are going to stay silent". Some people think a mentor should try to mentor even if the run is going generally fine and no mistakes much, while others would get upset that you would try to say or suggest optimized ways to do things better because it is elitist or "who cares this content is faceroll".

It's impossible to please everyone so that's why we get so much mentor flak. One mentor did something this way and this person didn't like it while another likes that mentor for the same behavior. Cannot win.

[Raqrie_Tohka]

It's impossible to please everyone so that's why we get so much mentor flak. One mentor did something this way and this person didn't like it while another likes that mentor for the same behavior. Cannot win.

Understanding that people are different is a good place to start, to eventually find an adapted solution for all. You can win. Please don't fatalistic attitude me >_< when I'm already having a hard enough time convincing myself. (It's a joke don't take it personally). Don't offer help ... be the help. Don't 'please', don't pander for favor ... the correct word is 'respect'. Gosh I suppose no one ever reads very long posts anyways, but I totally mentioned all this already.

[Miste]

Don't offer help ... be the help. Don't 'please', don't pander for favor ... the correct word is 'respect'. Gosh I suppose no one ever reads very long posts anyways, but I totally mentioned all this already.

Huh? I never said we should try to please everyone or pander for favor (I actually said it is impossible to do that anyway).

I think you might have misunderstood me? I was branching off what the person I quoted said.

When you queue for duties and do your role you already automatically are "being" the help. It is sort of something you do by default...I mean unless someone plays their role very detrimentally, but most people don't.

(also yes sorry I saw your long post but it was way too long for me to read)

[Raqrie_Tohka]

When you queue for duties and do your role you already automatically are "being" the help. It is sort of something you do by default...I mean unless someone plays their role very detrimentally, but most people don't.

Then we are all entitled to be of help for simply existing ... and same argument for them, they are of help simply by playing this game and paying subscription to support it. How dare we criticize them for trivial things like "playstyle" >;


But I jest. What I envisioned when I said to "be" of help, was almost akin to acting. But in honest action instead of fake acting. A natural occurrence of the factors involved, no more, no less. "Act" yourself, instead of "be" yourself. By injecting dynamism and showing, not telling, the point, you are more likely to overall succeed in moving their position and actions instead by pure words alone. If they see the party suffering they are more likely to think and do something about it than if they were told about the effects, or even worse, persuaded to see it that way. It means sometimes you must even play along, fool around with them, joke alongside with them, even try their standpoint. But no more, no less, than as if naturally occurring. You are not the efficiency police. Nor a mentor. Just another player who may or may not happen to share an experience with them.

And on in general: (Vandril)
I've seen more normal players do mechanics explanations of duties than all the help I've seen from mentors combined, of course with party finder nowadays it's all business as usual and lack of efficiency will not be tolerated ... and if someone actually claims a mentor, then they'd better bring to the table more than just another "explanation". A "better worded explanation" simply won't cut it. It's all-out performance and socializing we're expected of. Nothing short of miracles, if miracles were expected from the developers too. You may think words alone will cut it, but hehe, the players who see our shiny mentor icon won't. That thing alone is sometimes enough to rile a person up enough to not give a care about your "carefully worded proposition of advice". Think outside the box. See us for the ivory tower position we are perceived in. Even the developers themselves face minute discriminant observation. Thus they have to abide to corporate policies and "careful wording" to stay safe. You think people can't identify "careful wording" when they see it? That even if some are not capable of playing word games, they cannot recognize one? If they perceive it as "purposeful acting, playing them for fools", they may even be more mad than if we just chilled. So it's probably not best to put so much faith in words alone.