Tips on being a mentor but not sounding bossy

[missybee]

I'm sure your mileage may vary, but I find that happy faces help to take the edge off...

Like, I am 0% happy that I am having to explain something super basic - but I don't want to convey my displeasure. I realize that some people are new, and that's okay too.

For instance, I recently got a Tam Tara with a sprout tank. He would just run into groups of mobs and face pull, and then proceed to kind of ignore all but the mob he was fighting. As you might imagine, this resulted in hate going crazy. I was dying internally, but I did my best to not be a colossal a-hole and said something along the lines of, "If you lead with a shield lob prior to running into the group of monsters and then use Flash, you might have an easier time holding hate "

So...I don't know. I guess you could also view that is me being super condescending, but that definitely isn't the intent. People like happy faces, right?

RIGHT?

[Jijifli]

Back before stormblood I'd get ninja's throwing a huge tantrum at me for asking them to not press their poison buff on and off, since it was a buff with no timer and the noise was somewhat distracting.

Honestly I don't wear my crown anymore. It just always feels like I'm either ignored or harassed over it. The few people that did listen were good, but it felt as though it was wasted effort.

If there's a way to make it more pleasing, I wish I knew how. It seems like I always come off like a rude person when I try to help...

[RyuDragnier]

Honestly I don't wear my crown anymore. It just always feels like I'm either ignored or harassed over it. The few people that did listen were good, but it felt as though it was wasted effort.

I'm contemplating this now as well. I'm seeing people leave dungeons the second they see my mentor tag, which irritates me because I'm the sort of mentor who won't say anything unless he sees a new player in the dungeon, somebody asking for tips, or us constantly wiping because of somebody doing something wrong. Otherwise you won't get a peep out of me, because I assume you don't need help.

Worst I saw recently that needed help was a SCH spamming Adlo and Succor and running out of MP. I put Refresh on when I could (since I was BRD at the time), and said, "Try using Succor and Adlo a little less, their costs got increased so you're going to run through your MP faster doing that. Use Excog, Indom, Lustrate, and Emergency Tactics to cover any problems that arise unless you know the next hit may kill a player." He took it well and he didn't have MP problems after that. Sadly he's one of the few who do take that sort of constructive criticism well, most seem to take something like that as an insult to their ability to play the game.

[Jeibird]

like others have said I try not to give advice unless asked for it. however if someone is doing something really wrong, really inefficient, or really annoying I'll speak up. if someone cops an attitude to something as simple as "hey can you please x" or "you may want to try y" and doesn't take the instruction at all, I just eat penalty. my crown means I more or less generally know what I'm talking about and should try to be nice. my crown does not invalidate my right to stop partying with people who have """""different playstyles""""" such as tanks stance phobic wars

[SenorPatty]

I want to add this: I do this thing where I wait after the dgn's over to dish out some advice.

"When the dgn is over? Isn't that a little too late?" you might ask. Hear me out.

First of all, I don't know if many of you know this but people will heavily discredit anything you say if you lead them to a wipe. Unless you have really, REALLY good typing speed, trying to give advice as a healer tank can be suicidal. So I've resorted to giving advice after a dgn is done, usually by saying something like this "Before you guys leave, I just need to tell you guys something so you don't get yelled at by the next party you're in"

Surprisingly, that gets people's attention. Especially if, as the healer, you stayed quiet the whole run. Here's a quick story of mine that happened yesterday.

I'm queued as SCH for Xelphatol. I'm with a DRK, a MCH and a DRG. The first thing that catches my attention immdiately is the dragoon with 8.5k hp. "Okaaay..." I muse. A quick checkup confirms my suspicion: lots of i200 artifact armor with maybe two or 3 230/240 pieces. I'm not mad because I figure he was probably an old player who returned recently. No one comments on it either so we just roll.

To my credit, the drg plays well, avoids what he can, etc and so does everyone else. But I know it won't last long (for him, since everyone else was adequately geared.) because we get to our first boss. Now it had been months for me personally since I've entered Xelphatol so trying to remember the mechs was iffy for me until I notice that wind circle thingie. But here's the problem: I could either try to explain that we all have to be in that wind circle before hot blast(skill name??) was executed and we'd die since I can't type and heal or....

I could focus exclusively on healing but show silently how to avoid massive dmg by doing the mech myself. Doesn't work but we get through the fight. Now I'd like to point out that the drg's hp was always getting hit for at least 50% of his hp and lower but I always managed to keep him alive for the fight. This is going to be relevant, trust me.

We continue on. No problems until-you guessed it-boss time. This time its the DRK that remembers the mech and he explains it before he starts. I silently thank him and we proceed. Again, tank and bard are doing well and I heal what they can't avoid.

Except the dragoon. There was no saving him from getting 2-shotted from unavoidable dmg and 1-shotted from, well, staying the tornado. Readers, again, please remember this so you can get your jollies later.

We clear and move on until we reach the final boss and that's where I already knew there was going to be absolutely NO SAVING the dragoon. Don't matter how super well geared any healer is or how well he played: when the boss' ultimate attack is summoning Garuda for THE RECKONING, 8k hp is not gonna cut it.

So yeah, 1-shots everywhere until his gear broke, then his already low hp went to 6k.

In other news, the MCH clearly didn't know the stack mech cuz he kept running from everywhere. "Poor guy," I thought "You never got the chance to learn, did'ja?"

We managed to clear the fight and that's when I pop my "don't want you guys to get yelled at by the next party" line. To my credit they all stay. I explain the stack mech to the MCH. He actually thanks me. Turns out he didn't know what it was.

Now is everyone ready to get their jollies? Here we go. I tell the dragoon point blank that he needs better gear. That's why he kept getting 1-2 shotted. What's his response?

"This is good enough for the dgn."

You know I forgot to mention during the final boss fight that even the MCH and tank were wondering why he was dying so much.

I stare at my screen for a full six seconds before typing "that's all I wanted to say. Otherwise, it was gg". I bow, exit the dgn and laugh my ass out for a full minute.


Point in case is this: just from this experience alone, the mch represents the populace that is willing to listen because they paid attention during the dgn...and the dragoon represents the populace that is so blind to their own problem that even when you point it out in the same neutral manner used for the other side of the populace, they're in the denial. I'm just lucky he didn't add insults and jeers to his response.

[XiXiQ]

here's the upshot though - if the drg got into the dungeon he had enough ilvl to get into it, so he DID have good enough gear for the dungeon, because the game told him so and let him in. ( I don't recall offhand what the typical ilvl was when Xel was released).

[SenorPatty]

here's the upshot though - if the drg got into the dungeon he had enough ilvl to get into it, so he DID have good enough gear for the dungeon, because the game told him so and let him in. ( I don't recall offhand what the typical ilvl was when Xel was released).

I know. That's the messed up part of the game's system. All you need to do is meet the ilvl minimum to get in. Now as to whether or not its enough or as in most cases you see in the DF thread if its the right thing to wear remains to be seen.

[XiXiQ]

I think unless you see somone with completely wrong accessories (and even that's been addressed recently), telling someone they need better gear outright isn't a good idea. The game already has a limit set, they wouldn't be in the dungeon if they didn't meet it. A better comment would be more like "don't worry, this gets a lot easier when you have better gear". It conveys the exact same idea, gives the player something to think about, and even look forward to/work towards. It will get a much better response than a comment such as "your gear sucks".

[ViolaCrossfire]

The minilvl for xelphatol is 210. But here is the thing. That drg gear had to be broken already since he should've had atleast 14k hp. His gear was right, just unmaintained

[AngelCheese77]

I have yet to find a mentor character who is nice. Please don't take this wrong, but many I come across are in DFs and whoo, kinda salty.

If anyone who has played all the classes and is on Mateos, I'd love to have you on my friend's list. Last time I played, PoTD wasn't even in game, and I barely started Heavensward content. So I have lots of questions.

Thanks!