Tips on being a mentor but not sounding bossy

[Miste]

Why aren't you doing XYZ??

Why ask this when it's already obvious the person doesn't know what XYZ does or how to use it? It is pointless, accusational, and invites the other person to either admit ignorance or tell you to get on your bike. unsurprisingly, some are going to choose the latter. Either way, you aren't making any friends that way.

You are only looking at this from your point of view.

Some people do have reasons why they do not use certain abilities or spells even if they know what they are. Or they might know the spell, but not realize the best application for it so asking them is kind of a launching off point to try to help them out.

Again simply asking a question to someone else should not be condemned like this. All they did was ask a question which the other person can reply in a civil manner, or simply ignore if they really want to.

It is only accusatory if you choose to see it that way. It might not be the intention of the person writing it at all so you are making a baseless assumption.

It is way too defensive to get upset at someone just asking a question. You have no idea what their intentions are so why jump to the negative? Maybe they were just attempting to help by starting up a conversation.

It is possible to inject tone into a sentence with word choice. Look up a few posts at Vandril's. There are good examples and explanations how this is possible in that post.

I don't know who Vandril is, but simply the reason that it doesn't work is because everyone interprets words differently so no you cannot actually tell the intended tone of someone else through text alone unless they were using extremely obvious aggressive words like name calling, insults, swears etc. You may if you knew the person very well, but if it is someone you've never met before you do not know their tone through what they type alone.

Not everyone who plays this game is a native English speaker either so that adds onto the fact you cannot assume someone's tone through text.

[XiXiQ]

You are only looking at this from your point of view.

That's how everyone sees things. You included.

All they did was ask a question which the other person can reply in a civil manner, or simply ignore if they really want to.

It is only accusatory if you choose to see it that way. It might not be the intention of the person writing it at all so you are making a baseless assumption.

When you know you have a chance of something you say being taken the wrong way, when it's been explained to you by more than one person here why that particular approach does not often work - and your own experience has born that out - why are you still defending it?

and if that comment annoyed you, I have made my point.

[Miste]

That's how everyone sees things. You included.

I actually meant you are only looking at it from your point in view in the case that you didn't know that some people may have reasons for not using certain spells or abilities and not because they don't know they are there so it isn't actually a pointless thing to ask someone that sometimes. If you didn't know that then now you do.

Actually I am not only seeing things from my point of view. I am advocating that we shouldn't declare someone guilty without knowing their actual intentions. A question alone is not inherently a rude or a bad thing nor is it accusatory (as long as the person asking is neutral/polite/general and not using insults, name calling, or harassing language)

When you know you have a chance of something you say being taken the wrong way, when it's been explained to you by more than one person here why that particular approach does not often work - and your own experience has born that out - why are you still defending it?

and if that comment annoyed you, I have made my point.

Uh...I think you have severely misunderstood something here, because no I am not annoyed, but I am confused at your response.

The point I am trying to defend is that harassment should never be okay. I am saying that someone who may pose a question like that might be completely innocent and not intending to upset anyone. So maybe people should not harass someone for that simple question. I mean I can put out a scenario I suppose to try to help you understand what I am trying to say.

Person A is helpful, she likes to help others, she has fun chatting, anytime she wants to help someone she has the the intention of doing it just to be nice and to be helpful and zero malice.
Person B is in a DF with Person A and is doing a mechanic very incorrectly (just going to make this in general so any mechanic fight or job related)

Person A nicely and politely asks Person B if they understand the mechanic.
Person B answers rudely and harasses Person A with insults.

So...what person B did was okay in your eyes? Because that is the scenario I am saying shouldn't happen, yet I've seen it happen. So I don't know what point or argument you are trying to make here.

I am defending and advocating that if someone poses a question or suggestion to someone else if they are unsure of their intentions they can easily ask a question back instead of getting defensive and throwing insults at a person who may have just been trying to help out of kindness. How they word it isn't the problem because the person has the option to ask for clarification and see where it goes from there.

I mean people jumping to negative conclusions just circulates more hate and malice, why would we want that?

If someone asks you a question and you are unsure of their intentions you can simply ask a question back to judge the situation better instead of immediately getting defensive.

[TaleraRistain]

I don't know who Vandril is, but simply the reason that it doesn't work is because everyone interprets words differently so no you cannot actually tell the intended tone of someone else through text alone unless they were using extremely obvious aggressive words like name calling, insults, swears etc. You may if you knew the person very well, but if it is someone you've never met before you do not know their tone through what they type alone.

Vandril is another poster and I was drawing attention to their post a few above my post that you quoted. I see it now at the top of page 4. It was a very good explanation on what soft language is and how the use of the word "you" can be seen as confrontational. You do not have to use name calling, insults, or swearing to set an aggressive tone in text.