Tips on being a mentor but not sounding bossy

[Miste]

"Why aren't you using scatter" vs. "Try using scatter in packs" - vastly different tones between two fairly similar comments, neither of which are worded for a child. It's really not difficult to be helpful and civil without coming off like you're just harping on someone.

I'm sorry, but Mavrias has a good point.

People should not be getting defensive over simple words. There is literally no difference between those two sentences. You just made up a difference in your mind and there is a simple way that I know this. There is no "tone" in text on a screen and so many people fail to realize this. You are attaching your own tone to it when it may not be the same or intended tone of the person who wrote it, but in-game being text only you won't know their tone so you need to be neutral.

When you read something someone else has written you should take it at face value and not add an imaginary tone to it in your mind. This would cause you to not only be more relaxed, but also to not treat someone else like crap for no reason because you mislabeled their intentions. Assumptions are bad. They might have had a happy tone or a neutral tone, but you condemn them without even knowing.

If the person chatting used rude language then you obviously can tell their intention, but simply "why aren't you using scatter?" vs. "try using scatter in packs" is just the same way to convey the same information. One is a question so the other party can answer while the other is a suggestion. In the end they mean the same thing "scatter is a good spell to use on multiple mobs" with no swearing or harassment present at all.

No one is going to want to bother trying to help anyone else in this community if they need to walk on eggshells and make sure they write the most perfect sentence to make sure the other person doesn't get pissed off. I mean why do people think it is okay to verbally harass someone for asking a simple question of making a simple statement is beyond me anyway, but I see it happen too often.

The problem with trying to help others in this game isn't how people word things. The problem is people getting defensive over nothing.

That is why I basically stopped offering advice or trying to help people very much anymore. I just get sh** on for it no matter how nice I try to word it.

I've been told to "f*** off" more times I can count, I've been called elitist, I've been called a "c***". I mean these kind of responses you'd think I said something really horrible to them right? Nope. It is usually something like "Hey X, ______ is/are great spells/abilities you should try using them sometimes and it will help your rotation and damage" or heck before stormblood one time I got a nasty response like that for just reminding a NIN they forgot their poison buff.

I don't think how I worded it is the problem, nor did I deserve that verbal abuse for simple questions or suggestions. People are too defensive and your post, Skivvy, kind of highlights part of the problem. Tone doesn't exist in text.

PS. I am not saying you do anything like this Skivvy, after the first paragraph the "you" are pretty much "general you" not towards you personally. Just branched off your post to explain why wording things isn't the problem.