Entitled DPS, please stop being entitled

[Krylo]

It is not about WHO is wrong, you both were.

With all due respect, that's bullshit.

There's no optional pulls in Dzaemel before the first boss that don't require standing on magitek pads (and, if memory serves, only one group is locked behind those). The first of which is just outside the first crystal area she (said she) pulled to.

There's no reason to assume the tank wasn't doing a full clear--as nothing had been, at that point, skipped. Indeed, the only other skippable pull in that dungeon is at the first exploding crystals, heading down for the optional chest.

A DPS then pulling a bunch of shit that was going to need to be fought eventually, anyway, and then refusing to AoE it, making the whole fight harder on everyone's TP/MP, with no consideration for anyone but himself is 100% in the wrong.

We can sit around all day going on about 'Maybe if you had been polite SOONER' if we want, but that's stupid and a hilarious double standard. Tank has to immediately respond with politeness and roses, but DPS can word anything anyway they like and are to be assumed to be in the best of intentions.

Do you even believe the things you're typing?

[Seiryuukishi]

@Krylo

Once again regardless of whether s/he was being an a$$ or not is beside the point. When someone is or possibly is being hateful do you think you can make it all go away by just by being hateful in kind? Again two wrongs don't make a right. One or the other in that sort of situation has needs to defuse it or things can far worse. People want to act like if they show decency in the face of adversity then they show themselves to be weak. That is wrong. Why bother arguing in a game? What does it gain you or the person you're arguing with?

Do I believe what I am saying? Yes. Why? Because regardless of how many times I have faced with similar and much worse situations, talking through it before it got out of control led to happier endings more often than not. I won't say it works every time. Some people just don't want to be reasonable, at all, ever. But you have options via the game to make it easier on yourself so you don't have to suffer through it.

You don't have to believe me, like me or any other formulation thereof. But that's how it is. It doesn't always work and when it doesn't I either remove myself or the other half of the problem with the aid of party. I will not play at war in something I:

1. Use to unwind at the end of my gruelling work days. I have back and leg pain and would rather not have a headache to compound the problem.
2. Enjoy playing for the simple pleasure of it. I refuse to let stress affect my gameplay experience because it's just unnecessary.
3. Play with others on. When playing MMOs you get all kinds. If you are not prepared for a few road apples making your journey of gaming happiness with family/friends then I am afraid you are in for a long ride.

All it takes is WILLINGNESS. A willingness to communicate at the beginning and failing that the moment a problem starts to show itself. A willingness to swallow enough pride to do the right thing for everyone involved. It is easy to blow up. It is hard to recover from that. And also a willingness to just drop it. As in leave when you cannot get a volatile situation to calm down or kick the person still causing the problem. I'd rather have 30 minutes to chat with friends than 30 minutes to an hour of hatefulness, wouldn't you agree?

[Krylo]

When someone is or possibly is being hateful do you think you can make it all go away by just by being hateful in kind? Again two wrongs don't make a right. One or the other in that sort of situation has needs to defuse it or things can far worse.

If you take OP at face value this is exactly what she did.

Pulled to first possible point where she could have stopped and pulled extras. Stopped to talk. Asked DPS to use AoEs if he was going to do massive pulls.

Got nothing in return.

At what point did OP do anything hateful? Not responding immediately isn't hateful. Nor is 'Hey, could you use AoE if we're doing a full clear with large pulls'.

This is why I'm asking you if you believe what you're saying. Because what you're saying is just making random things up to attempt to be 'neutral' and putting a ridiculous onus on players to respond to any degree of toxicity with, not just politeness, but immediate politeness or be accused of being equally toxic/equally at fault.

[Seiryuukishi]

Snip

I'm not saying OP had no right to be unhappy or even mad. Hell if I were in his/her shoes and knew for a fact that the dps in question had said that demandingly I would have been pissed. The key difference is the way I handle things. The earlier post I made, I made out frustration (toward GenJoe) has now been deleted. Was I wrong to post that even though I know for a fact that was what he was after? Of course. I'm not some savior come to show you all the error of your ways, I'm trying to reason with the people who think kicking and screaming would have been the "wiser" course because the dps started it first. Why is it so hard to talk? OP stated that s/he did try to negotiate after the initial pull and that IS commendable. I just think that if s/he had done so before hand things may not have turned out the way they did. But on the other hand they could have anyway and that is a risk you take when dealing with people you don't know.

I DON'T CARE about WHO did it or WHY, only WHAT can be done by us, the game's community, to quell this sort of thing in the future. As far as "attempting" to be "neutral", as far as you need be concerned, I am Switzerland. Toxicity is something that is just... I'm skipping this because it serves no purpose. You seem to have politeness confused with kowtowing and are very much mistaken. Courtesy will get you a lot farther than anger. Look at the dps to see I am right. His/her anger made him/her not see reason and therefore wound up not getting what s/he was after to begin with only to have to queue again. That in turn left the OP and friend to pick up the pieces, most likely in a very unhappy mood. So NOW do you see it? BOTH of them suffered because of a minor hiccup that could have been talked through at the start.

But I use logic where it isn't wanted. I am certain that I'll be ignored because I didn't "choose" a side, but you all will have to get over it or die from it. I don't pick sides in pointlessness because of exactly that, it's pointless. Life will go on, tanks/dps will continue to hate each other for reasons that a two year old would be dumbstruck by. In the end if you don't like interactions, MMOs are not for you. If you don't like randoms, DF is not for you. If you don't like people, Life is not for you.

[Krylo]

Snip

I'm going to explain a few things:

Firstly, my problem with your post, and why I put "neutral" in half-quotes is because you weren't neutral. See, when you take two people where one person was obviously in the wrong and the other dealt with it well but not perfectly, and ascribe equal blame to both that's not neutral. That's siding with the guilty party. You've been backpeddling on the equal blame bit since, but that's how you first came off.

Which brings me to a second point: For someone who espouses being good at interpersonal communication, you're kind of bad at it.

From what I can tell, what you want to do is explain how to deal with these kinds of issues in the future. Well, here's how you do that:

"Yeah, that DPS was a dick, and I understand not wanting to respond to him right away, or wanting to clear your head first. You might have an easier time with them in the future if you don't wait until after the first pull to talk, though."

You don't come into a thread where someone is being dog piled, go "It's just as much your fault as his!" and then explain what to do. That's bullshit. No one sensible is going to listen, and anyone with a modicum of social responsibility is going to know that's not how you handle these situations. Most people with an understanding of social interaction are going to call you out for hiding behind seeming neutral while really just wanting to join the dog pile, because, in all honesty, that's what it looked like and I'm still not convinced that wasn't your intent.

The reason I chose you, specifically, to respond to, is because it read as hypocrisy to me. Attempting to come off as neutral and fair minded while just laying down more shit on the person being dog piled on by an entire thread.

So, I guess my advice to you is to not attempt to give other people advice on how to properly handle interpersonal conflict until you're better at it yourself.

[Adire]

snip

I wish I had a way with words like you, thank you again . If I see you in world, I'm going to give you a hug.

Mission successful: hug given ;D

[Seiryuukishi]

Stuff

Did everything I could to not laugh at how incredibly stupid you are. I've been more than nice about this and now I'll be a "dick".

Since you seem to know so much by all means, God, make the issue go away by itself. Or better yet just make ALL of the consummate idiots stop breathing. But that's the rub. Genocide is frowned upon so you're shit out of luck. Tell me, I'm dying to know, is how does one such as you know what hypocrisy is considering you think you're perfect. You've already tripped up on your own idiocy. So your advice is nulled because you yourself didn't follow it. When you call names you receive in like kind eventually. As far as my intentions go they were, WERE, noble until you f**ked it up with your johnny come lately attitude.

Heed me well, because I won't repeat myself. Back off of me. I'm done with your mess.

[Adire]

snip

All I can say is....

[StrejdaTom]

Snippity snip.

OP propably expected friendly tap on back in this thread and you kinda slapped him right into face and for that I love you sir.
Well I hope you won't get temp ban from forums for this, someone most probably reported you.

[nuyu11]

Snip.

Bro it's not worth to get banned from this silly argument because of someone whine about their bad experience during some run in dungeons.
Oh man, I hope this forum have more productivity and informative topic rather than a some rant.

I think someone is already made a report. You just fall into some idiocy trap and someone is already smile because of it.