I guess you missed a lot of people torching healers, between the healer strike thing and their general dissatisfaction then? Be it Reddit or content creators, making healers the butt-end of a joke has been on a particularly high level lately.
But yea, poor tanks. You even mention the "lol foor DRG" meme which still exists in some capacity today after a decade.
Every role has bad players. Every role will be on the receiving end of sarcastic remarks. It's always been that way. Every role matters in high-end content, and no role matters in everything else.
This whole discussion is, honestly, dull. You have a number of tools at your disposal, depending on role and job. Given a situation, you should utilize all of them to clear the content as quickly as possible. Some people won't, but a good player will.
If someone's being disruptive and making clearing impossible, you have a vote kick function for that. If someone is struggling and asks for help- or seems open to it- you can go out of your way to offer advice (though you have no obligation to). If they take it, great. If they don't take it, or don't want it to begin with, you nod, do your best, finish the 20 minutes roulette and go on about your way knowing you did all that you could as a good player.
That's all there is to it. Imagine if me or my healers threw a fit every time I rip aggro on a trash pack in an Expert dungeon as Pictomancer because I do half a million aoe damage in 4s. Who cares, I pop my barrier, my healer throws a shield on me, I stay close to the tank and I trust him to regain aggro. Even if he doesn't, it's fine, at worst I die and just release and rejoin. Same when I heal, ok you died to a mechanic, or you got hit by burns in ex1, I got you fam, I'll try my best to keep you alive so we don't lose raid damage. People are more concerned about proving a point of who's right, or who leads, or whose pace it is instead of grabbing the tools they have to bring the duty to swift completion. Just do your best, really.
I don't think this is worth replying to, but like... you're not that guy. I know you think you're some sort of ascended XIV player, but none of us are that special.