Sexual harassment

[MoroMurasaki]

How can this example be used when someone was sexual harassed? Your example sounds more like a young child that went too far away from their parents, not someone that was abused or sexual attacked. Also what would you say to someone that went through that on the internet? For something that went on for months?

"First off - I'm glad we're getting this sorted out. You know I'll be here to support you as you pursue whatever legal action you can against this scumbag. As you've clued me in on what's been happening I really wish you had spoken to someone sooner, when you started to feel uncomfortable. Letting someone push you into this kind of situation is going to be something that you're going to have to deal with for years to come.

I hope in the end you've learned that anyone who feels like they can guilt or shame you into sharing personal information, photos or video is definitely not worth your time. You are a really kind person but when you feel like you're getting taken advantage of you have to speak up, no one can help if you let things progress this far. I hope you know you're loved and supported and worth so much more than the way that person treated you."

Or something like that.

There is nothing wrong with making sure someone knows that they did something wrong (or even just didn't do something they should have done) while reaffirming love and support.

Often times the only good thing to come out of these bad situations us that the victim learns from them about how to prevent themselves from being taken advantage of in the future. Checking in on that isn't bad, it's responsible and caring.

[Mikki]

I have had a few creepy guys come up to me and say some unsavory things. But honestly, I don't even care. I just ignore and/or block nasty people like that. It's not a big deal. Plus I get a laugh thinking about how many straight men hit on half naked miqote and aura girls without realizing that a huge portion of them are actually men in real life. If I really feel like messing with them, I might just tell them I'm a guy too (even though I'm not). It has definitely set some guys off from me. lol

I've had some gay guys hit on my alt, too (which is a male miqote) and then seem utterly shocked when I tell them I'm a girl irl....so that's always fun too. I guess people also don't realize that girls play male characters also.

[Rubiss]

Again, and I can't stress this enough, you are not only not an adult at 18, you're not even close.
Your judgement is definitively unsound. You're brain has yet to fully mature and with that immature state comes compromised judgment, logic, and impulse faculties.

You are especially vulnerable to manipulation at that stage of life, as not only are you immature neurologically speaking, your brain is also under hormonal assault, making things even more tempestuous.

You can't know how you'd have reacted, you can't hypothesize about this. That girl went through it. You did not.

Have some goddamn compassion.

You are an adult by 18. That's just the definition in many countries.

[AriaFairchild]

Or something like that.

There is nothing wrong with making sure someone knows that they did something wrong (or even just didn't do something they should have done) while reaffirming love and support.

Often times the only good thing to come out of these bad situations us that the victim learns from them about how to prevent themselves from being taken advantage of in the future. Checking in on that isn't bad, it's responsible and caring.

Careful, this stuff is too politically incorrect for this forum to handle. But before that, can you pass me the great commune tea, by the whey?

[Rogatum]

I think I might just be dense or stupid since I can honestly not see how that can be considered victim blaming. At the core it seems any action that points out a mistake in the moment is considered victim blaming and invalidates any of the help that comes along with it. Which baffles me greatly, though that might also be because my social skills and interaction leave much to be desired.

[Alleo]

@MoroMurasaki: Yes that is still at least fine but I would still look out for each case and see if that person can take it right now or not. Sometimes its maybe better to only support them and maybe talk with them about this later, when they are less emotional impacted by this. People just need to remember that not everyone will take everything the same way and for some this might be too much.

@Rogatum: You know that something like depression which can turn into something much worse, is an illness that is far from rational? I know of people that went through it and said that they would have never believed how much this could change you and how they never had thought that they would have certain thoughts while they suffered from it. Thats why its always important that someone is under watchful eyes if they get medicine against it because it can increase it. I am just saying that people need to be tactful with dealing with such a situation. Maybe some can take it, maybe some dont. Thus saying that you always should point out the things that they did wrong might not be the best and make it worse. In the end nothing stops someone from talking about this when the worst passed.

For example in your case the talking of the police helped you, in other cases some people can be traumatised by this and need more help than that and maybe the talk with the police might have increased the panic. (And I am not really sure if sexual abuse over months by a person that you fully trusted is comparable with that)

[WaffleFaerie]

You aren't groomed from an online game, and 18 is an adult. You know better at 18.

You are an adult by 18. That's just the definition in many countries.

This isn't really @Rubiss, I just pulled your post for context. Legal definitions are what they are, but we don't have to like them, and it's possible you agree on that point. Some "adult" things, in some places, you can't do until you're 21. (booze, weed, running for election)

Also, (and this is @Zsolen, double underlined) when I was 18, I would've made a terrible adult, because I didn't know half of what normal 18-year-olds are "supposed" to know about the world, I just happened to grow up very sheltered. Like, the whole OldBear situation would have gone completely over my head at that age. I didn't speak the language. (I still don't, but now it's by choice.)

Double also, Anatha's right; the rational part of the human brain isn't fully developed until our mid-twenties. If I was Queen of the World, I'd raise the legal age of everything to 25. And then I would perish by regicide.

[Reinha]

Double also, Anatha's right; the rational part of the human brain isn't fully developed until our mid-twenties. If I was Queen of the World, I'd raise the legal age of everything to 25. And then I would perish by regicide.

I don't think being an adult is only about being fully developed, but being developed enough that your parents shouldn't have to take responsibility for your actions anymore. A child behaving badly, committing crime or doing stupid things is the parents' fault. When it's adults doing those things it's their own fault. That does not mean young adults can't make any mistakes. It just means their parents aren't the ones responsible for allowing those mistakes to happen.

In a hypothetical world where 18-year-olds are still considered children, if their parents are going to be held responsible for the well being of their children then they should be given the right to monitor their kid's internet activities to keep them safe from predators. I don't know any 18 to 24-year-olds who would be willing to submit to that. It's hard enough to monitor younger teenagers who already at that age seek individuality, privacy and independence.

[MoroMurasaki]

@MoroMurasaki: Yes that is still at least fine but I would still look out for each case and see if that person can take it right now or not. Sometimes its maybe better to only support them and maybe talk with them about this later, when they are less emotional impacted by this. People just need to remember that not everyone will take everything the same way and for some this might be too much.

I think this is the core of our disagreement - I don't believe in sugarcoating the truth when it comes to something this important. Facts don't care about your feelings and the fact of the matter is if you engage in behavior like what has come out of the TMP story (specifically sending nude photos or video to someone else, much less someome you've never even met) you have made a huge mistake even if nothing bad comes of it.

If we suspend disbelief and only listen to their evidence it paints a picture of these women allowing themselves to be bullied and extorted over a spot in a Free Company or at a glorified fansite/blog. No matter how despicable one finds the actions of (the bad guy whos name we can't say) if you can step back and look at things objectively you will see he would have been completely neutered if the women he targeted stood up for themselves at the first signs of abuse.

For what feels like the hundredth time I find myself reiterating that if (hes sorta like Voldemort in that way) did everything he was accused of he is a disgusting person and I never want anything to do with him; none of that changes the fact that he is still out there though and is likely not the only of his kind. Hell, he got caught! He probably isn't even the cleverest person in the game doing these things. We can sit here and focus on comforting a few people who made some poor choices or we can learn from this experience and hopefully make it harder for him or predators like him to prey on players in the future. I think the choice is obvious.

Personal accountability. I don't know why that is such a taboo concept and I feel like it can never be stressed enough. No one is ever "unable to handle" being told they screwed up and coddling them only sets them up to face the same things again in the future. That isn't what I wanted after my sexual assault and I doubt it's what the TMP victims want either.

Careful, this stuff is too politically incorrect for this forum to handle. But before that, can you pass me the great commune tea, by the whey?

Everything is too politically incorrect for these forums it seems...

[Zsolen]

Also, (and this is @Zsolen, double underlined) when I was 18, I would've made a terrible adult, because I didn't know half of what normal 18-year-olds are "supposed" to know about the world, I just happened to grow up very sheltered. Like, the whole OldBear situation would have gone completely over my head at that age. I didn't speak the language. (I still don't, but now it's by choice.)

You still know better by 18 and you were an adult at 18. You would know something is wrong. Growing up sheltered doesn't remove basic instinct.

Also why do people keeping talking about this other instance, in relation to the adult thing? Someone straight up said there was a girl that knew she was in a bad spot, blocked someone, and then unblocked him following peer pressure.