Sexual harassment

[Rubiss]

Again, a potential abuser can get information from you far before they show signs of being an abuser...people don't just immediately start acting like that, they get close to you first, and if they have that information on you, and threaten to use it against you (show up at your house or place of work, or doxx you, or anything like that) how is blocking them going to help? Even reporting to a GM may not help because SE will only act on information relayed in game. Please stop blaming victims for this, it's really not a good look for you. Oh, and police frequently don't take reports of online harassment seriously, much like the rest of you here.

They make multiple accounts or alts, you block them, they have their friends help, you block them, they follow you around in game well you can't help that, they say bad things about you to others you can't necessarily defend yourself, you transfer servers or change character names and they find out where you went (remember it's EXTREMELY easy to find out a character's new name via Lodestone ID), you delete an old character and start over and they may STILL find you, in the meantime all of this is extremely mentally and emotionally taxing and suddenly you no longer want to participate in an activity you once loved and enjoyed and you drift away from the communities you were a part of and if they have RL information you may even be worried about that. But yeah, blocking will solve the problem.

There's a reason why the police don't take it very seriously. It's not very serious. Honestly if some gossiping person came up to me and told me information about someone, primarily negative, I'd wonder what their problem is, moreso than the person they are talking about. I mean, what information is so dastardly that you must concede to some random online? Your address? What's that going to do? Why do they even have your address to begin with? Will they send you manure in a box? Glitter bomb? That's a physical thing.

You don't even need to transfer servers. If someone is stalking you to this degree, you can report that. Again, in the time it takes them to make a new account (which also needs a new email, etc) you blocking them gives them a net loss in time. No one will keep this up. I think the victim complex needs to ease up. People have far more power than they think, especially online.

And I'm sorry but if you give anyone your address or even nudes of yourself with your face in it, I mean, that's on you. Yes obviously the person using this against you is bad, but honestly, why would you give anyone your address online? I get it. Emotional abuse, manipulation, etc, etc. But this isn't a FFXIV problem.

Ha! So the creepy Guild leader who basically got me to the point where I chose to abandon another game and three characters I'd put a lot of time into, rather than deal with any more unwanted advances, suggestive gifts, creepy comments etc, wasn't really harassing me? It certainly felt real.

I'm not talking about a throwaway line about my character's looks or a single invite to ERP, this was weeks of following my character around and constant pestering via chat and in-game mail. I honestly don't think anyone who dismisses this sort of behaviour as trivial can have experienced it.

I mean, it sounds like you overreacted. Just block him, leave the guild if necessary. Losing 3 characters over it? Sorry but I think you need to toughen up. You know what I did when I got a stalker? I ended things and blocked them.

[Elamys]

And I'm sorry but if you give anyone your address or even nudes of yourself with your face in it, I mean, that's on you. Yes obviously the person using this against you is bad, but honestly, why would you give anyone your address online? I get it. Emotional abuse, manipulation, etc, etc. But this isn't a FFXIV problem.

It's very clear to me with this post that you do not understand what we are talking about. Have a good night, I guess. If you have some free time you may want to read about the laws on harassment, threats (particularly in relation to suicide or attack) and revenge porn. Maybe look up a few articles on why the victims of abuse can't so easily walk away. Perhaps then you can have an actual understanding of this conversation.

Also, maybe move into the year 2018 and realize that people do form important, strong, and lasting relationships online. I myself am living with and engaged to someone I met online. Seems to have worked out just fine. These are real people online. And just like any other person, sometimes things go wrong.

[Rubiss]

It's very clear to me with this post that you do not understand what we are talking about. Have a good night, I guess. If you have some free time you may want to read about the laws on harassment, threats (particularly in relation to suicide or attack) and revenge porn. Maybe look up a few articles on why the victims of abuse can't so easily walk away. Perhaps then you can have an actual understanding of this conversation.

Again, I don't see how this is a FFXIV problem. If you think you can sue someone over harassment, then do it. But don't cry about it on FFXIV. You have more than enough ways to stop someone from bothering you. Again, this is online. Stop conflating it with real abuse. You can quite easily walk away from someone.

[Redname]

Again, I don't see how this is a FFXIV problem. If you think you can sue someone over harassment, then do it. But don't cry about it on FFXIV. You have more than enough ways to stop someone from bothering you. Again, this is online. Stop conflating it with real abuse. You can quite easily walk away from someone.

God you are even reading? I think your problem here is you never experienced something so intense. You never had a strong, deep relationship. Or you never trusted someone or put yourself in a vulnerable situation. Which is really sad cause you dont know how love feels.

You repeat and repeat like a parrot, that is victim fault. People can manipulate and use you and your feels to the point some people commit suicide. Then what, that is no abuse either? Turning the power off wont erase your relationship with that person or what you did with them (sexting, nudes, etc).

You can say is the victim fault. However I think they have enough shame and self hurt themselves for you to add more to the fire.
You can say its stupid they did that. Well yeah it is. But they didnt apply logic but feels. Now are you going to tell me you NEVER acted based on feels or did stupid things? Idk if you are a robot ,an AI or havent a pinch of sensitivity. But human beings need love and affection. And if someone take advantage of you using your needs...Well i think it shouldnt be defended like you did.
I think you lack a lot of experience. Go out and get some before shaming victims

[Baingoleth]

shaming victims

This keeps coming up in reply to some posts recommending that victims block, report, move on and be more careful in the future when someone starts to get creepy. I don't think most of the people giving that advice are trying to shame the victims. Rather, the impression that I get is that they are trying to advise preventative measures in the future. Sure, some of those posters are rather blunt but I don't think it means they don't care.

There are some posters in this thread who come across as uncaring and crass but they aren't trying to provide practical advice to prevent bad situations from escalating to sexual abuse. What they are doing is making jokes.

I see many posters in this thread who agree that sexual abuse is a terrible thing and also agree that it starts with manipulating people who already trust them. They just don't think anything more needs to be done other than educating people to be more cautious and even cut ties when someone you meet online starts to get creepy. Having that position isn't victim shaming even though the people who hold it might not be interested in showing empathy. The reality is that there are decent people who agree that sexual harassment is wrong but won't get emotionally involved unless the victim is someone close to them.

[Rubiss]

God you are even reading? I think your problem here is you never experienced something so intense. You never had a strong, deep relationship. Or you never trusted someone or put yourself in a vulnerable situation. Which is really sad cause you dont know how love feels.

You repeat and repeat like a parrot, that is victim fault. People can manipulate and use you and your feels to the point some people commit suicide. Then what, that is no abuse either? Turning the power off wont erase your relationship with that person or what you did with them (sexting, nudes, etc).

You can say is the victim fault. However I think they have enough shame and self hurt themselves for you to add more to the fire.
You can say its stupid they did that. Well yeah it is. But they didnt apply logic but feels. Now are you going to tell me you NEVER acted based on feels or did stupid things? Idk if you are a robot ,an AI or havent a pinch of sensitivity. But human beings need love and affection. And if someone take advantage of you using your needs...Well i think it shouldnt be defended like you did.
I think you lack a lot of experience. Go out and get some before shaming victims

You know nothing about me. Neither my gender nor what I've been through, who I've been with and at what level. You're making a lot of assumptions to support your argument, kid. You are in control of what you do online. Sexting, sending nudes, giving out your address, arranging offline meetups, that's you. Can you get blackmailed? Sure. But what do you want FFXIV to do? This is an MMORPG. Do you want the "abuser" banned? Okay. Then what? They can just make alts and keep harassing you. Right? Right? Right? So do you want them arrested? Okay. Not a FFXIV problem. Call the police then. It's up to you the "victim" to handle this. You were manipulated, you deal with it. I've been there before and I think individuals love calling themselves victim but often don't do much to prevent themselves from being manipulated nor go to much lengths to solve it.

It's your problem. The very best SquareEnix can do is ban them. Everything else is up to you and it's ultimately your problem.

[Solarra]

I mean, it sounds like you overreacted. Just block him, leave the guild if necessary. Losing 3 characters over it? Sorry but I think you need to toughen up. You know what I did when I got a stalker? I ended things and blocked them.

Hang on a minute, you can't have this both ways. Either this was serious enough to take action or it wasn't.

I overreacted?!? Someone who started out oh so friendly and helpful started acting like a creep and I took steps to protect myself and my peace of mind and you think that's overreacting? No, it's not, it's what you're supposed to do.
I don't regret it for one moment. I did not give them the personal info they were fishing for, I didn't quietly endure their comments in the hope they'd get the message eventually, I walked. So as I see it, I did toughen up.

It was a small but very active guild and this person's partner was playing, as well as what appeared to be several long-term friends. I very much doubted the Guild leader was going to tell them the truth. I figured it was more likely they'd say I used them, got a lot of stuff out of them and then walked away. In other words, I expected them to play the victim. I weighed up the chances they'd all leave me alone if that happened, decided they were slim and left the game.
As I said in my original post, I had no other friends there outside of this guild but I did have friends who wanted me to play here, so it wasn't a hard decision.

Re your last two sentences -
Oh, I see, you're one of those plucky survivors who likes to belittle other victims because you handled it right. I guess other people were just stupid to get themselves into those situations, and since you've decided what happened to you was no big deal, everyone who thinks harassment is serious is simply overreacting, being over-emotional etc.
Well, if victim-blaming is your way of dealing with it (and by implication letting stalkers and creeps off the hook), I don't think you came through entirely unscathed.