Sometimes I wonder if I'm playing the same game as the people who claim they see "elitist behavior" and "parser obssession" everywhere.

I know in the end it's all anecdoctal evidence, but I've been playing this game for over 3 years (and have been raiding since FCoB) and I've only seen people getting harassed over DPS numbers once - this coming from someone who joins all sorties of parties (parse runs, learning, clear and even parties clearly labeled as trap). I had parse runs while I was doing over 4-5 times the DPS of my co-healer (with similar HPS) and yet no one would say anything, or kick them for that matter.

Sometimes I join clear parties for fun, and very often I see other people who already cleared joining the fight just to help out. I remember back in Creator, my first A12S clear (when cross server PF didn't exist) had help of several top tier players who had absolutely no obligation to be there, yet they stayed wiping with us for several hours until we got the clear. Yet when you look at these forums, you'd think any player who wants to try and learn encounters/get into raiding have to do it with friends or they will be bullied, harassed and called names.

My suggestion is: give the raiding community a shot. If you are too nervous to join someone's party, make your own and set your expectations. There's much less elitism around than you'd think.