If I get it right, I, as a monk for example, have aggro tools in form of ONE 120s cooldown that halves the enmity I generate and usually isn't up for every trash pull and I definitely have to make sure it's ready for opener on boss. Tank has aggro tools in form of a GCD combo and other GCDs/oGCDs (based on job) including 2 provokes plus tank stance that has additional enmity modifier. Therefore, based on the quantity and quality of both jobs' aggro tools, it is my (monk's) responsibility to not pull hate from enemies.

Also, if I did use my ONE 120s (!!!) aggro reducing cooldown and went full ham on boss, it is still my fault if I did more dmg than tank was expecting and I was supposed to hold back using any skills (and loose/waste any buffs I have) until the enmity gap between me and tank will be safe again. And if the tank decided to use enmity combo I should also say I'm sorry he had to and promise it will never happen again.

Basically, if you queue as DPS into dungeon there are only 2 outcomes:
1. If you are good at your job = you are the bad one, because you don't care for tank's dps,
2. if you are bad at you job = everyone on reddit/OF complains about you and other DDs in DF doing low dps.

Good. Makes sense.