Tanks Letting DPS Die

[EaMett]

That said, it's a very subjective situation. The DPS will allways consider it's the tank fault of not enough threat combo [...]

snip

Wow maybe I'm speaking Chinese. Lets give this another shot.
If your tank is in dps stance and capping your DPS because of emnity. OF COURSE he should switch to tank stance/rotation. OF COURSE he should put more effort into building aggro. All this goes without saying.
But if you grab aggro it's on you. There's nothing subjective about that. It's YOUR enmity, it's YOUR management or failure to do so. So yes if your tank is in dps stance building no aggro then you should "just stand there twiddling your fingers". There's -nothing- ludicrous about that. What is ludicrous in your example is that the tank would not switch to tank stance or enmity combo despite you telling him he's capping your dps.

And no there would not be a lot more vote kicks if mobs one shot you because there are a fair amount of mmos (and even some ff14 pulls) where grabbing agro -will- get you killed and you don't see that happening. Instead people actually wait for the tank to build some aggro. However, a tank who refuses to build more enmity when he can easily do so and despite capping his group's dps should (and would) get his ass handed to him.

Again, your aggro, your responsibility. The tank's responsibility is not to cap his group's dps. They're two separate things that work together. So yes, grabbing agro is always the DPS' fault even though it often stems from a poor tanking situation. Varying degrees of good intentions/selfishness from the tank are irrelevant, your responsibilities don't change.