Sorry for wall of text :3 And for some of it being a tad off-topic.
And knowing the boss in question has a forward AoE attack (or a rear one, in some cases) is part of the tactics, yes. So it does seem a bit silly to go off on you for that. Then again, there's this whole world of Interpretation, and if you read the tone differently than was intended (having no voice or body language to help you), it can be very difficult to see things for the advice it is =)
I rarely mark targets these days, unless I'm running with people who are new players and/or they ask me to; I just focus on the mob that takes the most damage. But when I started out and was running a dungeon for the first time, I did ask the others (who were often heavily level-synched) if they'd mind marking any particular mobs in groups that should be taken down first. Just because I was the tank didn't mean I automatically know every place I set foot in :3 And I've never seen 'tank' as a leading position. I just help my squishy friends by taking the beating for them.
Explaining after the fight is just fine, in my opinion. That way, the tank will (hopefully) know for the next time =D
*coughs* No. "They" is a perfectly acceptable word to use when the subject/object is of indeterminable gender. Of course, when the gender is known that's no longer an issue, is it? Such as with ships; the known 'gender' is female, therefore "she" is the appropriate pronoun.
"Long before the use of generic he was condemned as sexist, the pronouns they, their, and them were used in educated speech and in all but the most formal writing to refer to indefinite pronouns and to singular nouns of general personal reference, probably because such nouns are often not felt to be exclusively singular: If anyone calls, tell them I'll be back at six. [...] Such use is not a recent development, nor is it a mark of ignorance. Shakespeare, Swift, Shelley, Scott, and Dickens, as well as many other English and American writers, have used they and its forms to refer to singular antecedents." (quoted from dictionary.com)
And since you first of all never really know what gender the player is, and secondly don't always pay attention to the gender of their character (especially with how androgynous some can appear to be), it's a lot easier to use 'they' or 'them' than to always write 'he/she' or 'him/her' =)



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