My thoughts on elf dad:
We won't know until 6.0, but I have a feeling his feelings on the subject are probably genuine. Sharlayan is being set up to be proven wrong, so the whole showing disdain for the twins attitude is probably true. The fact that we can't call him out on it for being dumb is a limitation of the writing, just as we can't call out Emet Selch during his rants in Aumoraut for the ascians being the root cause of many of the conflicts and wars he judges us for. Yeah, there's a lot of violence between us sundered people but the unsundered are manipulating things to cause a lot of it.
Similarly, there is no peaceful solution to the current problems. There wasn't when Garlemald was a tool of the ascians to create calamities and it isn't now that Fandaniel and Zenos are in charge, and the story knows that Sharlayan is wrong on this.
And with it being likely that Sharlayan is intending to survive this while the rest of the world burns it doesn't seem likely to me that keeping his kids out of Sharlayan is somehow keeping them safer than trying to win them back over.