I see where you're coming from having had a friend try this game and them feeling the same way you do about pulling in dungeons.

But FFXIV has always followed the tank, healer and dps method and most likely always will. Tank is always expected to lead the dungeon and as someone said in a previous post, enemy mobs in dungeons hit harder than regular enemies which is why tank is essential to a party. You should only pull as large a mob as the tank and healer can cope with. Even with an amazing tank and healer you can wipe on trash mobs if the party gets overrun because 1 person wanted to speed things up.

As for people kicking you, as others suggested it may be good to talk to your group at the start. You'll be surprised how friendly, helpful and accommodating a lot of FFXIV players actually are. Don't buy in to the negativity people have about the community.