I know exactly what you mean. I find it's particularly troublesome with the day crowd. A few people start to trickle in for an attack, get to the edge of the node, and then poof, everyone is gone. They all bailed out and left the few brave souls to try and fend off a squad of angry enemies. It's infuriating.
As for defending, the only time I usually recommend defense is if A) the enemy is trickling in (chickens or non-committal), or B) they aren't coming at all, because they are too focused on the other GC to pay attention to you. Otherwise, I don't usually find defense preferable to offense, even when defending. Take your example. If you have 2-3 nodes, it is definitely not wise to charge out for a fourth (unless doing the Death Train strat, but that's another story.) and defending 3 is certainly hard. It spreads you too thin. Abandon one. I agree. However, even across 2, your defense is still thin, especially if the enemy throws their entire GC at you. 8-16 people cannot defend against 24, unless those 24 really suck. The better plan is to consolidate your ENTIRE team into a spear and cut through the enemy that attacks you first, or has the most points to steal. Go full offense on that team, even at the expense of defending your second node. Sure, the other GC might back cap it on you, but who cares? You will have more than made up the point difference on whatever they got off of your node by carving it out of the bodies of your attackers. Also, by riding out and completely eliminating one force of attackers as quickly as possible, you just opened up a escape route and gave yourself time; so, if the 3rd GC is really greedy and comes for your last node, you can either fight them off or bail out without getting hit in the rear.
Fighting on 2 fronts is almost never a good idea. The main difference between defending the two nodes (letting the enemy come to you and hit you until you either fend them off or the node is dry) vs attacking your attackers (riding out and crushing one group that threatens your node) is that one stands to gain you points, while the other potentially bleeds them. Defense seems like the plan that would save you points, but, if you really pay attention to the scoreboard, your gains off of the nodes you have are being dramatically reduced because you're losing points for every team mate that stand and dies trying to keep the node. The longer the assault, the more points you stand to lose. Offense gains you points by murdering your attackers. You willfully give up nodes, but you gain the difference by stealing the points from another GC.

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