Can we get modern english translation?

[Orspeth]

Forsooth! What new mechanism of perception doth thou bringest upon these forums?

Thine inability to distinguish thy own language, doth attest to thy lack of educational endeavors.

Perhaps a tipper novel or a rousing conversation art what thou needest?

Or, you know, pay attention in any English class where they taught Shakespeare.

Methinks the OP would be best served by going to summer school for some literature classes. Mayhap some time with books rather than games would be a great boon to them.