Sorry. I can't help you find a group.
I hate to break it to you but as far as I can tell, FFXIV has no intention of playing like an "old fashion RPG" -- every encounter in the endgame involves mechanics like this except for arguably Turn 4. If you don't like it, you may be out of luck unless the developers make a serious 180.
This certainly applies to MMOs in general. The people you are playing with will make or break the experiences long after you care about the gameplay. Playing with 7 random players is always going to be less satisfying than playing with 7 friends.
This is pretty standard. Both of my groups spent quite some time wiping to divebomb/snakes/twisters and we had to play through the adds + conflag phase of T5 every time. There's not a lot that can be done about this. Polish your strategies to make the early phases as easy as possible and set you up for a clean transition into your current progression phase.
I'm glad you admit that it's a personal preference. I would like to make one point here that it's impossible to add content which qualifies as "for everyone" -- for the type of player who looks forward to challenging, difficult content to play anything that is too easy would be considered boring. So while they have access to the other 62.5% of the patch (I guess 3 extreme boss fights = 37.5% of content compared to dailies, 3 dungeons, moggle mog, main story quests, and CT) that content isn't really exciting for them. If the extreme primals were easier/more accessible, then I could say that "0% of the patch was added for hardcore players"
As for it being anti social or w/e I don't see it being much different from BCOB at all except that I can run it w/more than just a set group of 7 other players. More social, even. I take FC members on practice runs and help them get completions all the time. I can't do this for coil.
It sounds like your complaints more accurately fall in between:
"I don't like action elements in my Final Fantasy MMO"
and
"The FFXIV netcode sucks."