Well, either you're very unlucky or I'm very lucky. I've played many such MMOs myself and I have never had that experience and nor have I ever heard of anyone else with such an experience. Besides that, it sounds like those games failed at other basic levels of game design.
I still don't see how those experiences are applicable here. A system where the duels are entirely optional and you have an additional option to refuse all of them should make everyone happy. Sure someone might ask why you are refusing duels but.. so what? Its a social game, you're going to encounter people who say things you don't like.