Theodric, you got a moment?

I was wondering earlier, "Why did I have such an adverse reaction to this patch? To the point that I would be willing to actually participate in a MSQ discussion, aren't I usually content with just world building and what not?"

I think I'm experiencing a significant amount of character dissonance. I'm not sure if my reactions to the events in the last expansion actually reflect the perspective of my current character. For reference, usually I took the god killing as a unfortunate means to an end, man is in control of their own fate, etc etc. Internalizing a lot of the Dark Knight storyline, as that is my headcanon job after the betrayal of 2.55, and with the knowledge gained in the Ratika Greatwood, and Amaurot proper, I think my character would have the option of being...a lot more morose. I have a personal interest in the collapse of developed societies and civilizations, and consider the preservation of history to be important, which is why I considered the Ascians and Omicrons inherently antithetical to my character no matter what their reasoning, as their methods led to entire worlds being deleted and the histories of those worlds being permanently lost.


I think a reason why I always have head gear that covers my entire head on every job is because I want to imagine what my character expression is myself. So when Asahi is going off on Yotsuyu, I know I want to kill him, and what that looks like on my character. When G'raha Tia fanboys over me, I know that I either look disgusted or sad. I know that when there are opportunities to grant knowledge or bring people together, I'm focused on the task. And I know that if there is a dialogue option that is "..." I'm most likely going to pick it, because of the honestly pretty traumatic experiences my character must have gone through over the course of FFXIV. As many misgivings I might have had about 5.X or 6.X, that ending cutscene of 5.0 where you're not actually celebrating with anyone at all, you're just looking at the Crystal Tower alone over a railing at the Crystarium was very in-character for me.

This Dawntrail thing. In the tail end of the 50 DRK quests, there's a part where Esteem prompts the idea of leaving Eorzea entirely and returning to a nobody, without the mantle of Warrior of Light. That's been sticking with me recently. I kinda hate all these characters now, and I don't think I'm even the main character of my own story somehow. All the characters I like are either on a different shard, busy, or their questlines are wrapped up in ways I probably did not like and I will probably never see them again (Mikoto...). If I had the opportunity to leave, to take a step away from Scions who I don't really enjoy being around, to explore new lands, or even better, return to the First and assist with the restoration of the Empty/Void (before this patch screwed all that up), would I have done that? And I think that I would. And having the Scions hop on board the boat with me overseas again just...exhausts me. I'm tired of being part of their group.

Something that I'm also reminded of is that QA where someone asked "What was Azem doing during the Final Days?" And the answer was "Whatever you think Azem was doing." And I think that was a dangerous thing to say. Because as essentially Azem-, I think that I would've been trying to stop Venat from the Sundering. My answer was "No one was right" in the Omega quest for a reason, and I think I may have a hard time moving on and accepting, yeah, this is the world state now. This is how things ended up.

This is rambling, I know, but I feel like...I've been railroaded this time around in ways that weren't apparent before, and it got to a breaking point this last patch where I was just constantly saying, I would not do this, and I turned on the entire plotline as a result. Not really trying to start a fight, just getting my thoughts out there.