Tips on being a mentor but not sounding bossy

[ElHeggunte]

I don't see anything wrong with asking "why aren't you using scatter". I'm not trying to be accusatory, I literally want to know why they aren't using it. Knowing their reasoning makes it easier to explain why they should be doing it a different way. Like asking a MNK why he isn't using Rockbreaker on big trash packs, and when he answers "the potency numbers are bigger on my other skills" you can explain how in spite of the AoE skill having lower potency it still equates to more damage overall because you're hitting so many targets at once.

Or I guess you can cut out the middleman by asking and explaining all at once: "Why aren't you using Scatter? Even though it has low potency, you still do more overall damage than [X Spell] because you're hitting so many targets at once". Done. Tell them what to do and why, don't make it a passing suggestion without giving them a reason as to why they should listen. If they want to get indignant for someone asking a perfectly innocuous question, that's their problem.

[Mavrias]

I'm not sure exactly how you're using it, but in general such a phrase is tossed about whenever someone wants to defend being a jerk.
And the answer is always the same - yes, you do have to be nice to everyone all the time. You don't get "time off" from being nice so you can be jerk "just this once."

I don't think that's how you meant it, because it doesn't jive quite with the next thing you say.

I was particularly referring to the sentiment that some people seem to have that if you're not being particularly chipper or going out of your way to phrase things like what someone is doing isn't wrong.

You don't have to phrase everything that way to be polite. A blank statement of "use this" or "you should be using this" is not rude just because it doesn't have a lot of extra sugar added to it. That's just something I've been irritated with lately.

[Skivvy]

There is functionally no difference between "use scatter" and "you should try using scatter" but the number of characters.

That would be because you removed the part that makes it different. :X "Why aren't you doing..." is worse than "Try doing..." or even just "use <whatever skill>". One is (minor) scolding, one is offering a suggestion.

[Saiah]

"Why aren't you using Scatter? Even though it has low potency, you still do more overall damage than [X Spell] because you're hitting so many targets at once"

Did you just mansplain me?

[Mavrias]

That would be because you removed the part that makes it different. :X "Why aren't you doing..." is worse than "Try doing..." or even just "use <whatever skill>". One is (minor) scolding, one is offering a suggestion.

It's not. It's the same statement worded as a question. Give me your answer to the question so I can explain to you why it's incorrect. Or simply start doing <ability>. Or don't do any of that, and just keep on doing you and ignore me.

Ultimately I can't change the way someone plays. Only they can do that. I can only tell them things that they can do to improve.

[Skivvy]

It's not. It's the same statement worded as a question. Give me your answer to the question so I can explain to you why it's incorrect. Or simply start doing <ability>. Or don't do any of that, and just keep on doing you and ignore me.

Ultimately I can't change the way someone plays. Only they can do that. I can only tell them things that they can do to improve.

The topic of this thread is asking for tips on how to be a mentor without sounding bossy. For better or worse, you will sound bossy/rude to a lot of people if you opt for method one. Whether or not you feel the need to be chipper is entirely up to you, but lets not pretend that they both come across with exactly the same tone.

[Mavrias]

The topic of this thread is asking for tips on how to be a mentor without sounding bossy. For better or worse, you will sound bossy/rude to a lot of people if you opt for method one. Whether or not you feel the need to be chipper is entirely up to you, but lets not pretend that they both come across with exactly the same tone.

/shrug

like I said, you do you

[TaleraRistain]

What I've found to be the most important factor is keeping the control in their hands. I will let people know I am there through roulette and happy to assist or offer advice on anything they desire, even being willing to stick around after the fight for it. But I never offer anything unsolicited. It's very easy in text for that to come across the wrong way, even a polite request like "Would you like some advice on X?" So the best thing to do is just put yourself out there and let them come to you if they want to.

[ElHeggunte]

Did you just mansplain me?

No.


(•_•)

( •_•)>⌐■-■


I Miqo'splain you.

(⌐■_■)

[Saiah]

Honestly, everyone is talking about this subject like theyre diffusing a bomb. Just cut a cord and if it starts ticking, push it off a pier and replace it with a new one.