I like this game but some people I met here have traumatized me.

[Nauarchia]

This thread might sound silly to you but it's actually a serious topic that I need to mention, as it really got into me.

I've started to play Final Fantasy 14 on July 2016, so it's been a year, and I met wonderful people. The community is very nice, at least on my server, people are trying to help each other. However I've also met other players in game, randomly, that have had a huge impact on my well being.

Now, there isn't a day when I don't think about them and it seriously drives me crazy. Among all my encounters in this game, two names, two, come out of the ordinary. Of course I won't be saying any of these names but I need to explain to you a little bit how it's been impacting me, because I feel like this is the right thing to do and I would like to get, perhaps, some advice, some points of view.

I'm young, I am barely 20yo, and due to family events I'm very concerned about the others and I always try to have things working well. Quite emotional, yes, and that didn't help with the friendship I built with these two friends.

I either feel disgust, regret or deep melancholy when thinking about them because we used to be really close, and then the bounds disappeared. I've been warned by other players to be careful because one of them was a drama sort of person, you know, always mysterious, will never tell things and will leave you without any answer. This behaviour that appeared progressively certainly significates some sort of depression but it reached me at an unbelievable point: I was so much concerned that I actually spent days doing nothing but thinking about it, and I even missed University exams just because of that. In other words it also got me depressed, depressed just because of an online friendship on a virtual game. And of course, I am not telling you all the details.

When I speak about friendships, I always insist on the importance of that same word. I consider friendships something very special, maybe too much important, and sometimes people don't understand fully how significant it is for me to care for such bounds.

It would take ages to say how it is, I even had nightmares, lots of nightmares, about that topic. An example: I dreamed that my fc and me were trying to save my friend from turning to the enemy's side, that was symbolized by the Imperium. You might tell me to just forget, or put less importance in friendships, in people, but that really is easy to say and difficult to do. I really love my relatives and I just can't stop caring all of a sudden just because someone tells me to do so.

I eventually had enough of one of them and I literally had a conversation with her saying that I wouldn't want to see her anymore, because I got fed up and that others were true about her. So we removed each other from all social networks and blocked each other. Now, the weird part is that I still consider her as a friend, I feel so much regret because I can not speak to her anymore, but I also feel disgusted.

The story is different for the other friend, but the simplified version would be to say that he promised things, again, and didn't move his finger nor sent any message since. And yet it's been three or four months.

I now have lots of difficulties to forget and forgive, what people say or do leave a mark in my mind. And again, I am here to speak about it and find ways to move on, because I really have memories coming back each day. I have never felt so much anxiety, sadness, depression and anger in a friendship but here.

On the other hand, I've met numerous other friends on ff14 and it's a real pleasure to have them around me.

But about them both, how comes that happened? How can I stop thinking about it? Will I ever be able to?

I do not want to experience a similar thing again, it really is frightening.

Thank you very much ><

[Mikhaill]

Hello, Nauarchia.
I think this will be deleted so I'ma just say this really fast.

Not to be mean in ANY way, but if this is hurting you so much, you should seek some counseling.
I've read this multiple times to try and understand but if I was on your server I'd try to talk
to you and ease your mind a bit but I am no professional. I also waited for someone else to
post but I think a lot of us are confused how to respond here since this isn't a good place to post this.
Seems like a touchy and difficult subject, and again, not a good place to post.
Just stay away from bad people, and forget them and cherish the people you have as friends.
Don't let people on this game ruin your real life. Just try and move on.

I hope you feel better someday. Take care.

[Nauarchia]

Well, I know, it certainly is going to be deleted. It's a sensitive subject as it's very personal. Just thought that I'd write it here since it's part of my ff14 experience.

Usually, nowadays, I don't even mind explaining this to people as it's too complex and too long. My family wouldn't even understand o.o It almost appeared on the forum by magic... or by tiredness! but it is fine, it won't kill me anyway and I'd certainly be willing to remove it as soon as I wake up anyway since it's a huge source of cringyness. I also actually hate seeing how I can be trapped in that situation anyway, it feels wrong since I don't want to be that kind of person who does drama or whatever >:C

Thank you very much for your answer Mikhaill. It still brings comfort.

[Paladinleeds]

Going to echo with Milkhaill said. Though while I agree insofar as you should seek therapy, I must disagree on the idea of it must be counselling.

Would you prefer to gain an understanding of your issues and why they occur as they do? Counselling.
Would you prefer to gain strategies to work around them and stop them happeining? Cognitive Behavioural Therapy/Dialectical Behavioural Therapy

[QuarIm]

It will get better. You will meet dozen upon dozen of people that will only use you for their own gains. But in the end, you will grow a thick skin and move on.

[Gramul]

Find yourself a good counselor. Simply having a sympathetic ear can do wonders.

[SenorPatty]

I'm just gonna echo what others said with the utmost of seriousness I can muster: you need therapy. Please get help.

[TankHunter678]

By the sounds of things, you have above average empathy and you are more of a social being then a fair number of people.

For now I would say focus on the people you do hang out with, not the people you lost touch with. If they want to come back they will come back and you can choose to accept them then or not. Try to put any worry out of mind about them, your focus should be on the here, now, and what is going to happen in the future rather then what could have gone differently.

[Raven_Darkstar]

^ this. Or as I like to put it - Live in the now. You can't change the past, but you can learn from it. Who knows what the future may bring? What's most important is right now. Keep the positive people in your life (virtual or no) close, and learn to see the warning signs with the negative types. So you never find yourself so badly effected again. I know, all easier said then done, but some things to think about anyway.

[yokan]

You might tell me to just forget, or put less importance in friendships, in people, but that really is easy to say and difficult to do. ><

If won't tell you to forget, but you have to learn. Life is not easy. If you can't put enough effort to make things better for yourself, then you rightfully deserve the situation you're in.

Everyone goes through much crap in life. But it is these things that make people smarter and wiser. However, people who are afraid to learn the lessons life give, end up being slaves to fear.