I think if you play one game for 9 years it can become just part of your life and hard to let go. Maybe some sunk cost going on. I’d recommend OP start by letting go of the max retainers as a start at the very least if she’s unhappy with how much she is spending. Items you have on them probably go unused for years so clearing out items rarely or never used won’t hurt.

Should save some money and move to a basic sub if she’s not ready to fully let go.

Posts like these seems mostly about OPs personal dilemma. I’ve been there before with MMOs. Like EQ2, Aion, and ESO. Each of those games I spent over $5k on and years of time. Aside from Aion that destroyed itself, it was a hard process initially to step back.