Telling stupid NPCs what's on your mind

[Reinha]

Well I think this one pretty much covers it.

[SenorPatty]

As a max height height warrior femroe, the canonical version of Asahi ranting to me in my head is me grabbing his head mid-rant and lifting it up.

"Sorry I couldn't hear you down there. Could you please repeat that louder?"

Asahi in a muffled voice: "Your light is nothing like--arghh!" (I'm squeezing his head harder) "...I'm sorry"

*Drops him to the ground* "That's so much better"

[Soge01]

Minfillia, why do my boobs suddenly double in size whenever I wear your outfit? Do you want to tell us something you might be trying over compensate for~?

Thancred, your new look doesn't make you look like an old man like that terrible woman said in Ishgard. I actually find it a marvelous improvement compared to your old look which I personally found dull. Hails to the wild man look!

Lyse, can I wear your red cermonial outfit and find out who did your hair? Our current barber for some reason can't make my hair look like yours and I'm tired of running around with you while staring at that gorgeous head of yours! Give me!!!!

Yotsuyu... *Snatches her lovely locks and clothing from her* Its mine, all mine! Muahahahaha, now I'll be the prettiest Miqo'te in town; worship me peasants and kiss my feet Gotetsu!

Cid, why does every pure blood Garlean's third eye look like a gross mutated zit protruding out from the middle of their foreheads? Is that why you cover yours up with your goggles...?

Every Moogle: I used to like Moogles and thought they were even cute until Heavensward came along and you little annoying bastards spammed endless meaningless quest after the other all the way to the Seventh Hell and up and around Sephirot's arse! Why must you exist in this wonderful world of FFXIV and ruin it for me now!?

Ixali Garuda Worshippers: Is there a reason why your primal goddess looks like a half naked humanoid bird valkyrie hybrid with a nasty sadist temper in comparison to the true Garuda? It makes me wonder if you particular Ixal have a fetish for flying winged humanoid looking girls whom abuse you at every turn she gets by whipping your scrawny birdy asses with tornados and twsters of doom.

[Seryne]

To Merlwyb: Why won't you love me?

[winsock]

There is an unnamed npc in idyllshire that I think only appears after botanists quests have been completed. She's using a watering can and says something along the lines of "psst.. I ran out of water a bell ago, but my boss doesn't need to know"

It was raining...

I want to tell her she doesn't need to work, and that the rain is like a big watering can.

[dynus]

Every single NPC that refers to the world as a 'Star.'

"Dear moron: What you are standing on is a planet. It is not a star. It is not a multi-million degree, gravity-ignited, thermo-$#%&ing-nuclear reactor. Thank you."

It's actually grammatically correct. Planet comes from the Greek term for 'Wandering Star' so they're actually not that far off the mark, etymology speaking anyways. 'Tis older grammar, and doesn't mesh with our current definitions of the words 'star' and 'planet' but it's grammatically correct.

[Rofel]

I slap the cactpot seller everyday for giving me bad tickets.

[Ransom]

It's actually grammatically correct. Planet comes from the Greek term for 'Wandering Star' so they're actually not that far off the mark, etymology speaking anyways. 'Tis older grammar, and doesn't mesh with our current definitions of the words 'star' and 'planet' but it's grammatically correct.

Except, that either the people of Eorzea are advanced enough to know what the stars and planets in their sky really are, or they're not.

If they are, they wouldn't say 'star' because they would know better.
If they aren't, they also wouldn't say 'star' because it would never occur to them that the world they live on would itself look like a tiny point of light from the perspective of the stars in the sky.

So, no, it doesn't work either way.

[Altanas]

The Scion's 90% of the time: "Really? I need to run this menial errand when we have recruits who can/signed up to do this?" (whenever it's some stupid fetch/delivery quest)

The scions remind me of the most poisonous HNMLS's in FF11. The ones were only the Elite of the LS got to be in the main party and got all the drops . The WOL is like the perma newbie that never got any DKP lol>.>

[Enkidoh]

I slap the cactpot seller everyday for giving me bad tickets.

^This! This oh so very much! I suspect the vendor now shudders when he sees me coming up to the counter...

Still in Gold Saucer, with Redolent Masked Rose at the Fashion Report after he 'judges' my attire for that week and makes a typically pithy comment about my taste in fashion, this is what I would so like to snap back at him:

"You wouldn't know fashion you glorified shopboy if it hit you in the rear!"