Telling stupid NPCs what's on your mind

[Violyre]

Been awhile since I've made a fun thread.

If you could talk to any NPC, and tell them exactly what you want to have on your mind, who would you talk to and what would you say? And no, you can't change the storyline. No telling Hauchefant that he should probably stay home when you raid the Vault!

For me, I gotta go with Itomaki. IT'S CALLED A COMPASS AND A MAP. USE IT.

[Alestorm]

To the Moogle's of Moghome: "Make your own baskets you lazy %#@$!"

The Scion's 90% of the time: "Really? I need to run this menial errand when we have recruits who can/signed up to do this?" (whenever it's some stupid fetch/delivery quest)

[NephthysVasudan]

*Lolorito smiles evily at my char*
*casts stone IV* *casts raise* *casts stone IV* *casts raise*
*smirks*
*walks away leaving a shocked/terrified lolorito behind*

[FallenArisen0990]

I would tell Cotota to become my Moon.

[Genz]

Any NPC who uses the word "strategy" about triple triad ; I'd like to make them eat their cards...

[MPNZ]

So, in the sea of clouds: there is like this really hungry Ishgardian soldier who just kept attacking all of the animals and stuff. And, then he admits it to you that he's, like, the entire reason everything is aggressive and junk... I want to blank shot him off of that stupid tree house fort and tie him to a post. It's not he'll die or anything since he's such an idiot anyway...

[TwoOfEleven]

"Why didn't you say anything?" - in the quests before SB. There's an option to ask Lyse, but I understand why she did not. I want to know why the Scions didn't =.=
"Uh huh, yeah, sure Lyse, can I go already?" - to about every quest she appears at past maybe 1/3 of SB. I've watched all the cutscenes in the story (a lot of them more than once), but found myself skipping when I saw her speak longer than a sentence or two max. I can't help it, I just find her so annoying ;__;
"You say I've earned my rest, and now want to take me somewhere? Nu uh, be back sometime, I'll rest crafting or something" - to the Temple of the Fist unlock quest (?)
*lots of profanity* - to most of the moogles, except maybe for Kupplo Kopp or whatever his name was
"So you reject my offer to buy this stupid sword, offer to buy it for Scions' cash, and then make me earn all of said cash? Seems legit" - Scions in 4.2

Those are the MSQ ones at the top of my head, will probably find more in the side quests :P

[Ransom]

Every single NPC that refers to the world as a 'Star.'

"Dear moron: What you are standing on is a planet. It is not a star. It is not a multi-million degree, gravity-ignited, thermo-$#%&ing-nuclear reactor. Thank you."

[ko_]

I'd ask Lyse to be my wife and hug her to death.

[The_NPC]

I don't need to say anything to a specific NPC aside from maybe a facepalm followed by a few variable words (like "not again!" "Seriously... why me?" "Not like I didn't see that coming" or "shut up & die already!")

That & attacking any enemy mob when they start their "Monologing" just cause they think they can invoke such a trope (IE: Talking is a free action)