Dating & Romance Rant

[TouchandFeel]

Especially when it comes to comparing myself to others. Comparing myself to others is something that happens so often that it is built into my psyche and I don't know how to get rid of it. I don't know what to do.

The best advice I can give you as far as this is, it's honestly pointless comparing yourself to other people. Most of the time you are comparing yourself to a false view of a person rather than the reality of them and if you already have a penchant for being down on yourself, you are most likely subconsciously inflating the greatness of the person you are comparing yourself to. Trying to compare yourself to an unrealistic and false idealized image of someone else will always result in you coming up short.

The only comparison you should be making is the you that currently exists and the you that you want to become.

I'll leave you with a humbling thought that hopefully provides some perspective. Even the most beautiful, most glamorous, most idolized person in the world still goes poop.

[Leowilde]

Take your time, bud. There's no rush but your own. Work on things a little at a time. Enjoy little milestones for what they are, no matter how small, don't try to tackle the whole self esteem issue in one big go. Once you start rolling, it gets easier. I know this from experience, having struggled with my own self esteem.

[LittleSparrow]

Out of curiosity, how old are you?
Anyway, I met my girlfriend in a game as well, she's fucking retarded (her words, not mine ) so if she can get anyone, so can you!

Really though. Why are you posting this in a game-related forum?

On a side note, it is virtually impossible for you to have crushes on multiple people. That shows that you don't really have a crush on those particular people.

[Kakiko]

snip

If I could like your posts a hundred times, I would. Seriously.

[Wilford111]

Really though. Why are you posting this in a game-related forum?

No other forums to post in, and I really don't feel like creating an account just to post that. I mean that's pretty much what I did here, but I've been lurking in these forums for a while now so I felt fairly comfortable spilling it here. And I tried to find the most relevant subforum to post it so not as many people would be annoyed.

On a side note, it is virtually impossible for you to have crushes on multiple people. That shows that you don't really have a crush on those particular people.

Really? Maybe I'm using the wrong word, but I've looked at more than just one girl and considered them to be cute or attractive. I've thought about what it'd be like to be in a relationship with them (not at the same time o_o), maybe that's weird though.

I'm 24 btw.

[PixieSparrow]

Out of curiosity, how old are you?
Anyway, I met my girlfriend in a game as well, she's fucking retarded (her words, not mine ) so if she can get anyone, so can you!

Really though. Why are you posting this in a game-related forum?

On a side note, it is virtually impossible for you to have crushes on multiple people. That shows that you don't really have a crush on those particular people.

OI! Fite me!

But yeah he's right, I'm the most socially awkward person you'll ever meet and it happened for me xD Never expected to ever meet anyone and it happened when I gave up on the idea so just relax, it'll happen.

[LittleSparrow]

No other forums to post in, and I really don't feel like creating an account just to post that. I mean that's pretty much what I did here, but I've been lurking in these forums for a while now so I felt fairly comfortable spilling it here. And I tried to find the most relevant subforum to post it so not as many people would be annoyed.



Really? Maybe I'm using the wrong word, but I've looked at more than just one girl and considered them to be cute or attractive. I've thought about what it'd be like to be in a relationship with them (not at the same time o_o), maybe that's weird though.

Eh, I don't really think finding someone attractive automatically means you have a crush on them. I hope it works out for you though. Confidence isn't necessarily key, things kind of just happen.

I mean, I met my girlfriend pretending to be an Indian in a GTA lobby, anything can happen.

[Kelani]

I’m very socially awkward and I thought that I would never find someone who would stay with me. Every relationship I had ended badly and it got to the point where I thought I’d end up on my own. In the end I gave up and stopped looking. Then, on a chat room of all places I met this guy who I got on really well with and the inevitable happened. That was like 17 years ago and I’m still with him. We’ve been married for 12 years now. The only advice I can give is stop looking, get to know people and let it happen naturally. A relationship based out of desperation because all you want is a girlfriend isn’t likely to last that long anyway.

[Seoulstar]

Like others have said. You don't know until you ask and honestly it is quite better to risk and find out if they will accept or not instead of forever not knowing the answer and going on the rest of your life asking what if. Have some confidence in yourself, do not down yourself like that. It's a terrible thing and you're worth way more than that. And as the other said, don't compare yourself to others as you're most likely seeing them in a unrealistic view. Anyways, back to main point, it won't hurt to try. If they reject and don't want to talk to you afterwards..oh well that is life..I rejected my boyfriend at first. But as time went on, I eventually fell for him. So that is also a possibility as well~

[Lalafallen]

Some of it was stuff I already knew, but probably the most useful stuff was about telling me to fix my self-esteem. To be honest, I don't know how I can do that.

Let me tell you something. Not even two years ago I was a complete mess. My self-esteem was so low and I was so scared of anyone that I wasn't even able to talk to the shop assistant when I had to get something from the store. I had a boyfriend at that time, but he didn't really care about me, and no normal friends who I could talk to. And god, I hated myself so much for that. I always felt like that one weird girl who would never have a meaningful, strong relationship or awesome friends and thus fun experiences, because all I did was sitting at home, reading and playing video games.

Well, things happened, me and my boyfriend broke up and I was completely alone. And I realized: There was no other way then to change my life - or it wouldn't end well.
What I did was hard at first, but after a while it worked. I pushed myself in all those situations I hated and forced myself to say or do things I always dreamed of saying or doing, but was too scared to do so. It was horrible, it was scary and I hated it, but it definitely worked. I'm so much more confident with "risky" situations or with things I'm not sure how other people will react. Ofc there are still a few "red lines" I'm still not able to cross, but - and that's another important thing I've learned - that's absolutely okay.

Pushing me into situations I hated finally helped me not only to find my soulmate but also lovely friends I wouldn't trade for anything in the world.

As I said before, I've always been an avid reader and gamer. I've never been to a club because I just don't like loud music and many people stuffed in one small place, so I rather spend my evenings at home and do my own thing. When I got older, everyone told me that I was weird and not normal with what I was doing. My first ex-boyfriend even had the nerve to tell me that I was "sick in the head" because I didn't want to drink alcohol with him when I was just 16. Those things sticked with me and I started to believe them. Now that I am older, I learned that this way of thinking was just stupid. That I'm not weird or not normal, that this is just me. That people like different kinds of things and that I just like books and games more than dancing with other people. And that's completely fine. So, in a way I learned to respect myself for being who I am and not patheticly trying to fit in somehow. A realisation that made me even stronger.

Another thing that helped me a lot was getting a hobby. Okay, that sounds like a stupid advice, but when I started getting into graphic design and learned to create things - good looking things after a while - I got more and more confident with my skills. I realized that I wasn't useless, that I only spend my time wasting away, that I was really able to do something cool. That was a big self-esteem-boost aswell.

So, to sum it up: Just do it! Even if you're scared, even if you don't know how a situation might end, just be brave and go for it. If you wait and wait and wait maybe someday far away in the future something might change, but do you really want to wait for that long for a vague "maybe"? You have a mouth to speak and hands to work with, so start to use them right now and do something with your life. You just have to start.

I wish you all the best in life!