Thank you everyone, for being so supportive and helpful. Honestly I wasn't expecting such positive responses from so many people.

Reading some of these was actually encouraging to me. Some of it was stuff I already knew, but probably the most useful stuff was about telling me to fix my self-esteem. To be honest, I don't know how I can do that. Ever since middle school my self-esteem has been really low, leading to some pretty serious depression at points. I've grown out of it for the most part, but I can't deny that it still comes up now and then. Especially when it comes to comparing myself to others. Comparing myself to others is something that happens so often that it is built into my psyche and I don't know how to get rid of it. I don't know what to do.

But at least I know what to work on. You've all been super helpful. I'm not quite at the point of wanting to try again, but it's back to the point where it's up in the air.