Just realized something: FFXIV is a terrible DPS player's DREAM come true...

[Penthea]

Its just that I A) would like to have a reliable DPS parser to know how to get better at my DPS job

Then how about posting in that other massive thread about parsing instead of creating another one with a clickbaity title such as "XIV is a bad dps's dream"?

I'm glad you like the game but you seriously give the opposite impression. It's one thing to rant on the forums, it's another to be creating so many negative threads in a short space of time.

I'm not advocating the calling out of anyone

Blizzard don't either but it happens anyway. You can't completely control how players use content. It's why dps meters very often have a negative effect and why healers are essentially played like hybrids even though they're not intended to be.

If you could tell at a glance which DPS are doing well

Herein lies the issue with parsing; the glance. Most players take a glance and assume numbers are black and white. Most players don't know or don't care to think "maybe that person has bad gear, maybe they got targeted by a lot of mechanics, maybe they had to do off-healing" and so on. They just look at dps rankings and assume last = bad.

because there would be pressure equally distributed across all the roles instead of just tanks and healers feeling that pressure.

Parsers will do NOTHING to change the amount of pressure tanks and healers get. They're under pressure because of the nature of their roles. Not because of the absence of parsers. I healed in WoW for ten years and I never once felt a dps meter took pressure off of me. In fact the dps meter often drove people to take stupid risks to do better dps and that gave me more healing to do.

Sorry, but I need to be really blunt here: with all the whining and moaning threads you seem to have posted, maybe this game just isn't for you. Honestly, it seems like you spend more time making threads like this than you do actually playing the game.

You're definitely not the only one who has noticed.