You are not a fail.

[NyarukoW]

No you're not, but you're also not trying your best

This is so bogus. First of all "best" is NOT even properly defined. They are trying their best to not wipe the party. This just an irresponsible snipe at the OP.

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Point- it goes both ways and both sides need to learn to compromise and stop acting entitled and selfish.

Too many people fall for this bogus false equivalenve over and over. Look you cannot push a string. The undergeared can't instantly be geared nor can the inexperienced become instantly experienced. Forcing them to compromise to go faster than they are able is wasting time from wipes to walk back. Other than the trolls, no one is sitting around AFK trying to be slow or wiping the party on purpose. Whereas, you can speed run only if everything lines up perfectly, but you can always go slower. Doing half pulls instead of full pulls will still be an efficiency improvement.

What if the party is uncomfortable with how you want to play? Aren't you doing exactly what you are accusing others of doing? Forcing your playstyle onto the rest of the party.

More illogical false equivalance. You can not force people to not speed run, anymore than you force peoplpe to not wipe, but the flip side is very much possible and happen plenty of time, when people force speed runs, wipe party, and often followed by cussing up storm and then rage quitting.

My point is that a) the game should be played as intended, b) no one should be made to play in a way that they are uncomfortable with, and c) no one should be harassed because they do not meet the expectations of another for playing.
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Frankly though, I really dislike speed runs, and especially forced speed runs. I do not find them enjoyable experiences, nor do I enjoy being abused by some dps who wants to push things by pulling the trash ahead of us to force the pace. If you want to go find fun new ways of doing things, go make a PF group for it, duty finder is meant to be there to help players find others to play with, so you can't expect players there to be ready for a mega pull or speed run.
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I actually find the speed run to be an interesting challenge, but I absolutely despise the speed runner. Especially the type that just runs off without a word and it is even more glaring when they speed off without protect. When that happens, I immediately switch to the new interesting challenge, i.e. what can I do the make sure the group survives but the speed runner dies. Watching the brazen DPS get toasted by mob is too easy and usually they are not brave to volunteer. Typically it is the speed running tank, so I'd E4E, reg, medica2, keep the rest of the party up and then holy spam until the mob is dead along with the tank preferably right at the last hit. Then they get to take the walk of shame back to group while I get to recover my MP.

I don't main heals, but rather I fit that "SMN healing" mode where I need to "always be casting", so it be either overhealing or better yet DPS. So if the tank want to pull big, they'd better be able to take the big bunches of hits so everyone else can max DPS right? ... But not really, then what kind of bogus speed run is this? Better try to communicate first and not be a bullheaded speedrunner. See the problem is not the speed run, but the speed runner, especially when they are non-communicative. What shame is there, or is it so hard to say, "may I pull big?" What are they scared someone one might say, "wait, benediction is still on cooldown" or "need more mp"?

You want brutal honesty ? You being uncomfortable with doing speed runs is not my nor anyone else's problem and it doesn't entitle you for me or other to accomodate your playstyle. Sorry but you're not that special.

I hope you are not that unfortunate tank that will be making that walk of shame back to the party. Go ahead be silent, but you are not that strong, you'll be dead in the time I can get off one more holy. The healers are no more obligated to accomodate the stupidity of the big pull.

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Its also a chicken and egg problem where you can't have one without the other,
People won't take you to coil without experience, but you need experience to actually beat coil. Go figure.

This is why I always advocate that player need to be more open, inclusive, and accomodating. Stop calling people bad, fail, or "not trying their best". Different players are all at different levels of play, both gear and experience. The DF is not for speed runs. I still remember my firs time in WP, doing SCH healing, back when WP was the place people went for speed myth runs, that was before brayflox hm speed run was thing to do. I got vote kicked before the first boss as soon as everoyne wiped on that first big pull. I joined back and got the same group and the tank left after a few choice words, and the DPS kept on cussing at me. But the replacement tank we got, told the DPS to be be quiet and everyone needed a place to learn and gear up, and so this all part of that effort to pay it forward to help bring more players into the fold.