A sign that I should just stop playing this game?

[Dale]

Don't help people unless you actually want to help them and never expect anything in return. That's the best advice I can give you.

[ZohnoReecho]

Since playing this game I've always felt it was important to help out other players, and managed to always put their needs before mine. And now I've sort of created this image where everyone just "expects" me to help, even at the cost of my own time. And at first, I didn't mind, I enjoy helping others and building friendships with those around me. I love seeing others happy, and how excited they are when they get their first relic or when a piece of allagan gear drops that they really wanted. It's what I joined MMOs for. Even if I'm not on often, it's one of the biggest attractions with playing in a community.

But it feels as if whenever it comes to me, my "wants" they are thrown by the wayside by everyone, including the very ones I strive to help. But I mean, it's a game; I shouldn't let things like this bother me. The game is intended for fun, not to feel bitter or jaded. I almost feel sort of juvenile for reacting this way.

Though, lately, I've been finding it increasingly difficult to ignore it, and it almost hurts my feelings that everything I do for everyone is seemingly swept under the rug. Perhaps I expected the community to be a little different, and maybe that means I'm naive. I don't even know.

What I'm getting at is, when a game begins affecting how you feel in real life that maybe the best choice is to stop playing. That it's a red flag that the game isn't serving the purpose it was originally intended to.

Am I the only one who's felt this way?

You are just too kind
Someone out there will be able to pay you back for your disponibility.

[Freyane]

Selfishness is a wide social problem all over the world. And when it's not individual selfishness, it's tribe / family / clan selfishness.

The game won't change the society, it just reflect it. Somehow FFXI was much different, it was also a different community.

[KyahAlmasy]

Your original post describes my life in a nutshell (or in a pie...I'd rather it be pie).

----
I might have lost my point somewhere around the last orbit of the moon...

But yeah I think you're cool.

Thank you.

Your response has really helped me understand that while the needs of others should never be something to arbitrarily disregard, it is very important that I also recognize myself as someone who deserves, in equal measure, to have their needs met. I'm relieved to know that I'm not the only one who thinks in this way, that when someone comes for help I imagine the person behind the character and their frustration with whichever roadblock is preventing them from reaching a goal within the game. And if I can bring someone enjoyment from the game by helping them reach that goal, I find that I have a very hard time rejecting them.

I really appreciate your response.

[Versiroth]

Honestly, this is why I never push. I've been trying to do the relic quests and I'll typically ask the FC once "Does anyone need or want BLANK?". If people want in, or want to help, I except it. If no one says anything, I just go and try to pug what ever I'm trying to do. I did Chimera, Hydra and AK in a PUG for the quest, but my FC did jump in and help me out with Ifrit, which was nice of them. More people really do need to adopt this way of thinking.

Honestly, if I were you OP, I'd help the people that you feel like helping and ignore the rest. The problem with people that keep asking and asking is that they rarely stop once they know you won't say no. Even worse are the people that start to bad mouth you after helping them over and over because you've cut them off. That's actually happened to me in RL.

[Blarp]

You should stop helping people for awhile. Be greedy and make yourself happy instead of worrying about making strangers in a video game happy. If you can't tell people, "No" then I feel very bad for you if that same trait bleeds over into your life outside of the game. I feel like you're a TV housewife who is finally realizing that you need to focus on yourself a bit more lol...

Selfishness is a wide social problem all over the world. And when it's not individual selfishness, it's tribe / family / clan selfishness.

The game won't change the society, it just reflect it. Somehow FFXI was much different, it was also a different community.

Got a good chuckle out of this. I saw people beg for help for days to get help on things like CoP missions, AF, nation missions, Maat quests etc. Good freaking luck getting someone to help you through pre-nerf CoP after they had done it once. The FFXI community was mainly trash with a few kind/helpful people just like every other MMO.

[zdub303]

This happens all of the time in real life too. There are plenty of people out there who will gladly take advantage of everything you're willing to give them and not care one bit to help in return.

Quit the game if you like thats up to you, but it just sounds like you need a new community to play with. Be it a new FC, LSs etc.

[PArcher]

Honestly, this is why I never push. I've been trying to do the relic quests and I'll typically ask the FC once "Does anyone need or want BLANK?". If people want in, or want to help, I except it. If no one says anything, I just go and try to pug what ever I'm trying to do. I did Chimera, Hydra and AK in a PUG for the quest, but my FC did jump in and help me out with Ifrit, which was nice of them. More people really do need to adopt this way of thinking.

As far as I'm concerned, you join an FC (especially a large one) to be part of that community...if they don't help their members, what good are they? Why stay?

[matic]

And if I can bring someone enjoyment from the game by helping them reach that goal, I find that I have a very hard time rejecting them.

First thing to learn is that you aren't rejecting them by saying no. They will be fine, trust me. They'll just ask someone else, and eventually will get the help they need. They won't think any less of you. Also, it's just a game, and if you aren't having fun, then what's the point?

In my FC its generally known that people can just send me an invite and i'll more often than not just take it and go help with whatever. Unless I don't feel like it, in which case i just...say no. It's no big deal if you have cool people as FCmates.

[Deli]

Awwww

I felt the same...
Muttering you don't need to read actually

sorry that I ignore 2 pages posts and just want to express my desperateness on similar exp

Everytime ppl in ls or fc asked for help i always jumps out first, or at least say something like "sorry i'm occupied", so ppl won't feel ignored. i don't usually ask for help. I hate, must super stressed on the hate part, to create trouble for the others. therefore, when i asked something, it's got to be i'm desperately needed help. They usually got ignored... 15+ members online but I'll usually get completely silent treatment. Lots of time even a simple greeting got ignored. In the end, i started get used to it... I knew perfectly, sometimes, they like to speak inside their own channel, party chat or focus on battle. However, it's like "even I can do it, why can't they" feeling bugs me. It doesn't make me want to stop playing, it just reminds me how much I don't want to be one of them. To make people felt welcomed, I even made greeting a macro just in case ppl {/wave} at LS/FC channel during my intense dungeon healing...

But... i don't need to be nice forever, right? I knew what i need to do since long time ago at alpha test. I kept telling myself "do not accept the ls/fc invite. You will just get ignored and left in the dark corner like 1.0. You will never get in their central benefit sharing circle no matter what you do." i even found a nice group of ppl, monitoring their activities and liked what they were doing since beta test. however, on the launch day, out of surprised i received the invites... my whole world/plan was crashing there. I knew i can't join, but i also feel bad to hit no. I was stoned and watched the FC and LS invites counting down numbers dropping in front of me. It's one of the hardest 200 seconds in my life. I stupidly hit yes around 30 seconds left.
now everything just repeating itself, always left in the dark/ignored corner alone, no matter how much I greet, help or interact with FC/LS. outside the central benefit sharing circle means alone.
oh well, in short, my experience maybe not that bad, so you guys should keep it easy. Just like I always trying to tell myself "don't over-react on things". maybe I did over-reacted. I just didn't know how much it hurts. I started to have tears in my eyes when I typed these ^^: during the meeting =.=. Well, the presenter was boring. :P and room was dark...

awwwww /feed and /bearhug Hestern