A sign that I should just stop playing this game?

[OrionInerghem]

Part of playing a MMO (and life imo) is that you have to consistently look at how much you give and take.

My goal is to always be around 50/50,

Giving too much while seeming noble also encourages other people to not work as hard and enables them to take advantage.


I would use this game as a testing grounds for setting boundaries around How much you let other people take from you, and as many others have said it usually starts with "I'm sorry, I can't help right now, I have to take care of something" It's not a lie, the other thing you might need to take care of is yourself.

Good luck

[mikoto_qc]

-Just stop helping for helping, unless u need something there. they might eventually realize how good your help use to be and that they taken it for granted.
-Explain them exactly how you feel about it. If they dont understand how you feel about the situation, i think its time to look for pepeol less selfish.
after all its your gaming experience that matters.

hope you the best of luck ^^

[Mishini_Dracoto]

Pretty much what 80% of people in here are saying. I don't think you are helping with the expectation to be helped, but Each FC/LS/Friend List is a Community. You need to be in a helpful, friendly, community. While people like us can easily make friends in every community, is the community right for you?

I evaluate my communities, by watching other people ask for help, and seeing who else offers to help. eg, 300 people online, 1 person asks for help with Satasha, and only 2 people offer to help? That's a crappy community. You do not need to quit the game, just loook for a new FC/LS. Re-evaluate the community for yourself when you get there and make sure it's what you want.

Note - don't evaluate by seeing how many people help you. Look at how they help each other. Once you've integrated yourself into that community, the helpfulness *usually* transfers over.

[CrystalRainbow]

My wife and I had the same problem in FFXI,

Till the point where we just stop helping anyone unless it helped us.

[LordSideKicks]

Sorry to hear that. MY FC leader was facing the same problem too. Help ppl and answer their questions. Then they juz leave without good bye or a note. It sucks. but it is online. Some ppl are not worth it and you cannot expect everybody to be the same. Maybe out of 100 around 20 are nice ppl. Don't let it affect your real life. =)

[Huxer]

Well, I've heard a lot of general policy on how you need to say no and one nice affirmation of how you are known for being helpful. I haven't heard any real ideas on how to deal with it, so I'll give you a suggestion. If you still like playing the game, Level an alt, stay on that alt unless YOU feel like changing to your main. If people openly ask for help say nothing just keep playing. They will back off. If this is to hard for you to do morally,you need to leave the server at the least but you should probably just leave the game and rethink your priorities.

This works, I know, I would have quit from having been too eager to help early on if I hadn't shut down the bandwagons. The problem is most likely a skill/dedication differential between yourself at a higher level and the people you are currently playing with being at a distinctly lower level of...dedication to the game.

[Altheras]

It can get that way sometimes. The important thing is to pay attention, figure out who the ones are who ALWAYS ask you for help, but NEVER help you in return, and stop helping them. Me, I help everybody, it's just what I do with my time when I'm bored. I put together groups for people, run all the relic bosses for people, and it has gotten to where people know when I'm on that I am capable of helping them, and so they expect it. I don't really mind though, as the vast majority of them are those same ones who answer the call whenever I'm needing people for a group. The important thing is to surround yourself with those who give as much as they get. If you're finding your FC mates just take take take and never give anything back? Well it may be time to find a different group to play with, by just swapping around FCs and Linkshells, or maybe even swapping to a different server.

The game needs more helpful people! To lose you would be a great tragedy for the community. Don't let people put you off of the idea of helping people, just find people who will return the favor when you need it. ^^

[Hestern_Nestern]

Your original post describes my life in a nutshell (or in a pie...I'd rather it be pie).

Though others might chastise us for our habits, remember this: we are not flawed for being empathetic or for acting this way. Someone asks us for help, and because we can understand why they might need it and how they might feel from not receiving that help already, we immediately acquiesce to their needs.

People have told me time and time again that there is something wrong with me because I don't say "no". Let's turn the image at another angle. just imagine if everyone had trouble saying "no", like us, wouldn't that also mean less people coming to us collectively, because everyone else would be saying "yes", too?

It is true, for our general sanity, and self-image, we need to say no, but I find it difficult to do in practice, and saying that phrase doesn't help either one of us, really. I can say "we need to say no" all I want, but it doesn't truly make sense to me, and I suspect, it doesn't make sense to you, either. We understand why saying no might be beneficial to us and we understand why others saying yes to us is a reasonable expectation, as of yet unmet. We of course don't wish to hold the help we give over other player's heads, so we don't make comparisons others might say we ought to.

When I hear others telling me to make it about myself ("say no"), and that I don't have to do everything, my mind always responds with, "but it isn't all about me and what I want, right"? I am sure you understand that. We don't carry that mindset throughout our waking life, so we don't feel we should be that way in a socially interactive video game. Why? Because socially interactive video games take place INSIDE of life. It's a very curious thing to me how we separate socially interactive video games from reality. We establish ways of thinking about them that seems to exclude them from natural experience. I think escaping reality and denying reality can be conflated to the point of thinking the phrase, "I'm not expected to act nice in a video game because it isn't real" is the morally right one to have. But, for us, we understand there are actual human beings on the other side of that screen.

All I can do is offer you this quote. It has helped me say "no" to people offline, here and there. It's a silly quote from a silly image on a silly page from facebook. It reads:

“When you say 'Yes' to others, make sure you are not saying 'No' to yourself.”

It's apparently a quote by Paolo Coehlo. I have no idea who that is. He's a lyricist and a novelist. Or maybe it wasn't what he said at all. And I'm not advocating for the merit of idioms, either -- because I dislike most of them. I just feel that this quote is true regardless of whether or not someone famous said it or someone said it before or someone said it at all.

We must remember that we, too, are human beings on the other side of the screen. Human beings with our own needs and interests. Human beings with valid emotions and expectations. We must remember that while it is difficult for us to say "no" to others, it is increasingly too easy to say "no" to ourselves. So that means we can count at least ONE person we're not helping (ourselves). We're not being empathetic to at least ONE person (ourselves). We're not giving back to at least ONE person (ourselves) or appreciating that one person for the help he or she gave to others (ourselves). People see that. People see that and wonder to themselves, "Why should we?". So maybe we should start thinking about it this way. We think to ourselves, "I'm not nice or I'm not helpful unless I help everyone who comes to me in need". But we're people too, so shouldn't it be, "I'm not nice or I'm not helpful unless I help everyone who comes to me in need, INCLUDING MYSELF, who is also a whole person worthy of consideration"?

I'm not trying to make you sound great or better than others. I am not trying to make you feel guilty or me feel guilty or anyone feel guilty at all. You shouldn't feel guilty. Should you feel exasperated? I can't tell you that -- what I can tell you is that your feelings are just as relevant as anyone else's -- and that it would be perfectly understandable if you were. Do I think you should quit the game? Inevitably, that is your decision, but I would say "no, not permanently", if you were truly asking me. I would say, "mayhap take a break, for a day or two". I would also recommend confronting people who you have experienced the most issues with. I would recommend asking for help when you need it (I always feel awkward doing this) and I would recommend talking to people who only seem to interact with you when they need something from you (and not when you need something from them). Remember that this is not your fault, as others have already stated to you. It's too easy to blame the victim, so people do it almost unconsciously. It IS true that you need to do something about this and do it right now. Don't let it continue past this point unchanged. You are fully aware that you are dissatisfied and I think that your dissatisfaction is just as understandable as a player's sense of entitlement towards you. Voice it.

I might have lost my point somewhere around the last orbit of the moon...

But yeah I think you're cool.

[Ed_N_Ants]

It sound's to me like there server isn't the problem but more of your FC being the problem... People are getting theirs and not helping you with yours... I do a lot of crafting I craft my FC gear if they need it don't even use there mats I use my own... However being that I am leveling all crafts I am far behind a lot of my FC but the people I help run dungeons with me... Point of the matter is I don't think its the game making you bitter its the people you are associated with and it's time for you to move to a new FC... You still have a friends list if there is someone in the group you still wanna deal with... But personally I would switch FC's before I quit the game...

[Mags]

Especially when you would like your good deeds to be paid forward and in truth they don't. I've been there, when I am always there to help yet no one else returns the favor for me, or others.