DT's Writing: What Could've Been Better

[honest_psycho]

Since this thread is about the writing overall, let me give you another example that doesn't even contain Poochie.

Do you remember Ketenramm?


I seriously thought he'd turn out as some kind of traitor, but noooooo, he was just a regular adventurer who grew so weak of old age, that Zorall Ja could just knock him out for the key-stone, without ANY relevance for the overall story.
Imagine if it turned out, that he was working with Zoraal Ja the whole time.
Imagine the fight between the King and Zoraal Ja, but the last lethal blow? Done by Ketenramm!

"But what woud his motive be?" you ask?

Easy: Money and Fame

Yes, it's that simple.
Imagine if he was just an experienced and capable adventurer, who only came to Tural for the Golden City, for adventure.
He teamed up with the king to increase the chances of finding it, but couldn't enter it because the king sealed it for safety reasons. And he couldn't just steal the keys and enter the city, as long as the Kingis around.

All this years he waited for an opportunity to get rid of the King, so he could plunder the City all he wanted.

When came the birth of Zuraal Ja.
He trained him, influenced him to resent his father like a 200IQ mastermind and then used that resentment to propose an alliance with Zoraal Ja (both get rid of the King for their own reasons).

Doesn't that sound more interesting?
The overall theme of Ketenram could have been "adventurer but evil", as a foil for us, whos adventures also include saving people/doing good etc.
But Ketenram? "Nah bro, just here for da money babyyyy!"

Man, this story gets worse and worse the longer you think about it. It's amazing how garbage this is.

[StormChase]

Since this thread is about the writing overall, let me give you another example that doesn't even contain Poochie.

Do you remember Ketenramm?


I seriously thought he'd turn out as some kind of traitor, but noooooo, he was just a regular adventurer who grew so weak of old age, that Zorall Ja could just knock him out for the key-stone, without ANY relevance for the overall story.
Imagine if it turned out, that he was working with Zoraal Ja the whole time.
Imagine the fight between the King and Zoraal Ja, but the last lethal blow? Done by Ketenramm!

"But what woud his motive be?" you ask?

Easy: Money and Fame

Yes, it's that simple.
Imagine if he was just an experienced and capable adventurer, who only came to Tural for the Golden City, for adventure.
He teamed up with the king to increase the chances of finding it, but couldn't enter it because the king sealed it for safety reasons. And he couldn't just steal the keys and enter the city, as long as the Kingis around.

All this years he waited for an opportunity to get rid of the King, so he could plunder the City all he wanted.

When came the birth of Zuraal Ja.
He trained him, influenced him to resent his father like a 200IQ mastermind and then used that resentment to propose an alliance with Zoraal Ja (both get rid of the King for their own reasons).

Doesn't that sound more interesting?
The overall theme of Ketenram could have been "adventurer but evil", as a foil for us, whos adventures also include saving people/doing good etc.
But Ketenram? "Nah bro, just here for da money babyyyy!"

Man, this story gets worse and worse the longer you think about it. It's amazing how garbage this is.

I think just focusing more on Zoraal Ja's motive would've worked better. Since all the villains have to do with their place in the family (Bakool Ja Ja, Zoraal Ja, and Sphene have all the pressure on them as only/eldest children), it'd be too out of left field to have a twist villain who's just in it for greed. It wouldn't make thematic sense.

IMO they didn't need to add Ketenramm in the first place. Maybe they have more in store with the patches, but so far his only purpose has been telling Zereel Ja to knock it off and getting the keystones stolen. The other characters are already pressed for time without him.

[honest_psycho]

I think just focusing more on Zoraal Ja's motive would've worked better. Since all the villains have to do with their place in the family (Bakool Ja Ja, Zoraal Ja, and Sphene have all the pressure on them as only/eldest children), it'd be too out of left field to have a twist villain who's just in it for greed. It wouldn't make thematic sense.
...

I mean, I was just spitballing, there are dozens of ways to write this better, your's included.

But to elaborate further; One of the themes of DT is "Adventure" (with Ketenram as a foil, a "bad" kind of adventurer)

Another theme is "becoming a ruler" and how to deal with traitors etc.
How it's not always "peace and happyness" and sunshine and rainbows, and you have to watch out for bad actors.
The fact that Ketenrams betrayal would come out of field could have been a valuable lesson for Wuk Lamat to never be complacent or too trusting (like Alphinaud with the Crytalbraves).

But that would require writers who actually know what they are doing.