It's easy to call something lazy from your armchair.
What they're saying, to be blunt, is nonsense.
How is that the same at all? Jackets deal with body stuff, tails are body stuff.
Head stuff is ... head stuff. They will assume you're a functioning human being that's seen a cat before and can parse out that "Cat ears can lay down flat on the skull with no problem" when making hats like
this and
this. They don't care what hairstyle you pick, if you use certain hats it's gone because it doesn't work well with them.
Furthermore, they have a long history of changing your character's customization choices to suite an aesthetic. Be it replacing ears and tails for werewolf gear, chopping hair for hats or giving you max boob for certain outfits.
And again, no one's even pointed out WHY this shouldn't be a toggle. It's legit the best option that takes nothing away from either camp. If they're not gonna do a toggle then I agree with their direction on this, turn off the tail for things that make sense and leave it on for anything else. They're prob not gonna go back and retroactively do this to gear but if this is how they handle things for now on then good on them.