Eorzea news

[FusiaRain]

(Have fun with this thread everyone and make your random news story in Eorzea)
(Have fun with it and enjoy)

Heres mine

Breaking News: It has been discovered by an anonymous sources that the Lalafells are preparing to unleash a massive Ultima nuke within one week.

[ItMe]

Breaking News: It has been discovered by an anonymous sources that the Lalafells are preparing to unleash a massive Ultima nuke within one week.

Shhhh~ ; )

[Sauteed]

Here's what our FC UNN does for fun.




Today we take a look at a topic that hits "close to home", UNN's own Anora Knowles takes a look into the Eorzean Housing Crisis. But first let's turn to our weather correspondent, Adrahi Y'Lai. Adrahi, to you..



Thanks Tasty! Weather in Thanalan this time of year remains hot, and bothersome. Today, highs in the Goblet will reach around 107 degrees.. and just a trip further south on into the Sagoli, temperatures threaten to get hotter than Thal's Balls. High pressure means we will be experiencing a heat wave on into the start of the Eorzean week, be sure to keep an eye out for attractive cat girls around the Brimming Heart. Tasty, back to you!
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Thank you Adrahi! Anora, we understand you've been covering a certain subject that "hits home" for a lot of us Eorzeans.. We turn the cameras to you.

Thank you Tasty, our story began sometime last year, in Zalera's Goblet residential district, where a Miqo'te Meowther of two was grief stricken as her potentially Eternal Relationship turned into a sour display of betrayal and high level thefts. Sometime after, that report, we received reports of housing shortages throughout the realm, and we began to investigate just exactly what was going on.

I took to the residential districts myself, and began an investigation that revealed more than just a few too little lots..

Our initial investigation led us to Hyperion's Mist Residential district, where we butted into a few people at the beach. Housing shortages have been their worst, here in The Mist, begging the question, why?
Tasty, as you know, Limsa Lominsa is a hub of afk activity, where hordes gather around the aetheryte and just waste oxygen, and other precious resources, necessary for the survival of this star, and just like you and I, they need a place to stay too. Naturally, they have occupied almost every residence within the Mist residential district and rare is it indeed that one opens.. It just so happens, I was there for this monumental event.

Standing at the placard were several folks who chose to speak on condition of anonymity..
"I've been looking for a place for my FC (Free Company) for two years now".. said one attractive Miqo'te male who appeared to be in his early twenties. When asked, how hard it's been he said..
"Rough, I just want to see my Free Company grow and stop having to live in the pissed in Inn Rooms at the Drowning Wench.. I mean, I'm glad we have a place to go and lay our heads down, but sometimes you just want to avoid the pee, y'know?"

Upon hearing this man's tale, I decided to leave and continue my investigation back at the Goblet. I arrived on scene to a meager plot 29 being ravaged by a horde of people, one particular man seemed to suggest, that it was only he and I who were actually there..
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Anora thank you, but it appears we're running out of time, we'll have to carry on with your report another time.
_

In other news, calf skins shoot down to the 150k mark, allowing thriftier Eorzeans to take hold of some of the latest fashions for themselves.. Market Analysts suggest investing in rose gold and cobalt ore.. This has been your UNN news traffic and weather report.

[FusiaRain]

That's awesome I love it.

[Sauteed]

Stay tuned for our article on where all our butts went, Toyona Cross's ongoing report on Synthesized food, and further updates on Roe Biden's stance on Black Rose.

[Snorky]

Nice! I want to read more.

[Sauteed]

((An archived report from earlier this year))
This just in.. Couerl kits are adorable.

Reports from the Academic Scholar's Society of Idylshire suggest owning and caring for Coeurl kits can actually help lower what they call "bad rng", increase social activity and help develop a sense of responsiblity in young Eorzeans. The report straight from The A.S.S. comes just after Wojiji Fojiji had his little Lalafellin heart broken in a scandal UNN recently covered and is still working to uncover more about.

Riots and trash bin strike still rocking Ul'Dah for a near month have caused dozens of NPC's to get creative in their trash disposal. A unit of Brass Blades have been stationed just outside the gladiators guild after a pile of soiled under garments were disposed of just outside the door with a notice posted on top stating "and this is what we thought of the recent update!!". More news as this story develops.

All this and more, stay tuned to UNN for your news, traffic and weather information.

[Breakbeat]

"A Red Mage was just walking around Limsa, then THIS happened...!"



INTRIGUED?

Sorry, you gotta turn off ad blockers and sub to my news service in order to continue reading this story. Of course, Patreon members get full, early access.

[Sauteed]

What's going on during server downtime?

UNN SPECIAL REPORT with Anora Knowles, live from the UNN weather garden.



Tasty I'm here in Hyperion's Goblet Residential District just oustide the UNN Studio, where an uptick in crystal use has left locals bewildered. I spoke to a local by the market board just inside the entrance to the district, and he had this to say about the dilemna..

Local: "Look, I don't know, I just don't. I know what I do, and it's got nothing to do with politics or religion. I like to pvp. I mean listen, I don't try to take nothing from other people. I just like to.. y'know.. do something while I wait?"


UNN : "And how long do you have to wait?"

Local: quiet sobbing, as a single tear rolls down his face

UNN : "It's ok.. shh.. it's ok.."

Local: "I.. I waited so long."



Tasty, the man began to cry, offering me photographic evidence of wait times that were baffling, leaving this reporter to almost sympathize with this man's new addiction. Crystal. UNN correspondent, Palico has more information on the meowter.



Um, meow, I'm right inside the Crystarium, where a purrplexing ameownt of the city is meowed of crystals. Adventurers are lined up in the Mewsica Universalis Meowkets, using lots of um crystals. The gentlecat purpriertar, who's name is Bragi, meowntioned he's had a meowsive influx of adventurers loitering around the Meowketboard buying and selling things meowed with lots of crystal. Anora, back to mew!



Thank you Palico! Tasty, Bragi reached out to UNN, citing increased tripping hazards caused by "crystalled out" crafters just lazying around, a rise in "vendoring" junk, and a much higher level of noise polution as well.

Thank you Anora. Let's hand it over to Oddle Grodmyre for sports!

Thanks Tasty. The body of an Ala Mhigan NPC who disappeared several months ago is believed to be discovered.. Witnesses who last saw him say he was last seen falling from a "small island" during a GATE event known as Leap of Faith.. Tasty as you are well aware, NPC's are not allowed to enter that particular gate as the blessing of Hydalen doesn't really work for them so well. The NPC's body is being examined for signs of foul play at Sasamo Memorial Hospital.

Mmm.. tragic story Oddle, but thank you.

In other news, scientists theorize Catbois will soon become extinct, and thonged bunny men will rule the Aetherytes in many of the starting cities. This has been your UNN Special Report.

[Doc_Seraph]

After his defeat Lahabrea has invited all to his new shop "Lahabrea's Lalafel Lunar Falafels"