"You pull you tank"
"If you wanted to tank, you should've queued as tank"
These are the catchphrases of weaklings.
A tank is not a leader of the party nor are they holier than any other party member. This is a team game and a tank failing to pickup and hold aggro is a failure of a tank. If you are unable to realize that picking up more adds supplements everyone else doing more damage to the dungeon as a whole, essentially your job and only value to the party, then you are the bad player. There are other ways for DPS/Healers to communicate they want to pull more but DPS/Healer pulling is the easiest tell. If the party finds out they can't handle it, then they will be sensible and not pull anymore. TPK is nothing. Wiping is nothing. You lose virtually only 30 seconds to test and see if you can multi pull or not, but you would lose 5-10 minutes on the entire dungeon run by not even attempting to multi-pull.
Tanks are not special and being arrogant enough to think that you deserve control of the party because the role as a whole is unpopular is how you stay a bad tank.