Was I in the wrong?

[Ceridwenae]

*meat and bones*

Thank you for posting this! I'll admit, I went to sleep last night a little worried I may have been too hard on you; thank you for taking it in good spirit! I may not agree with you, for reasons I'll get into briefly, but this much more insightful post really shows just how much better the conversation gets when we're each able to open up even just a little more and explain our point of view without being snippy, name calling and attempting to win the thread (I am not saying you were doing that, however you should probably watch who you sling a "thin-skinned" comment at next time My experience was a few years ago now, and an anxiety diagnosis, a miscarriage, organ removal (ow!), hospital and idiocracy have all happened since. I don't take things lying down anymore!).

I'll be honest: your scenario doesn't strike me as quite the same the same as mine, or others that have been mentioned. If you have a train sound, especially - I mean, that's genius, really. We all know what game trains - or zergs - are. I have even been part of a zerg on many an occasion (thank you WvW(vW), GW2 - and note those are active world based mass pvp maps. You go in one solo and expect to respawn many times) and even further back, in a NWN persistent world there were such trains (though they did not go after people uninterested in being part of it). Doesn't matter what the game was, trains broke my potato pc every time. Yes, my computers are always potatoes. XD The nuance of these sort of situations is worth taking into account. I love me a bit of nuance. I have a feeling you've likely dodged a few bullets you're unaware of.

I think your scenario sounds like a bunch of young people doing silly things young people do, and that tends to come without consideration of anyone you sweep up in your wake. I know, I was that young person once (albeit one who was doing silly things in what turned out to be a more socially anxious way, which I didn't realise at the time). This is not to put a dampener on your memories of the fun but you haven't really considered what it looks like in your target's shoes. Or, at least, your post does not appear to indicate this in any great way, besides an off-the-cuff response. I could construe a simple "lolk" into "wtf?! What's wrong with you people?! *nervous laugh* Okay... you do you...You wierdo. Leave me alone", but sure. I could be misconstruing that response deliberately for effect.

Here's the real crux of it however: people haven't become more sensitive in the last few years and broken the toys, we've always existed and you've just become more aware of it - not least because a portion of us will happily tell you about it in lurid detail because we have a platform to do so. You're actually thinking about modifying your behaviour, even on an unconscious level, when you kick back against people informing you of a situation they found uncomfortable, or that they're sensitive, or anxious, their very state of being is something you're uncomfortable with yourself because they are different. You're on an unconscious level thinking about modifying what you've previously found fun in light of new information, and you don't like it, giving you the impetus to make snark to that person who is challenging you. Thinking about altering your behaviour is not a silly thing to do, but because it is quite hard, it can feel more natural to be resistant and glib in the face of even small changes of the self. You can't possibly be wrong in any way, those other people are just thin-skinned! Are you thinking of a snarky reply to this right now? I mean, feel free. It's the easy way out, after all.

We're not all the same, we won't all respond to the same stimuli in the same way - those of us with disabilities and conditions know this better than anyone. We should highlight our differences to help understand one other and then move to find common ground, perhaps even get you running those trains again where possible, but this time in a more constructive fashion. We should not be using our differences against each other so casually, so thoughtlessly. That is what's going to make life more bearable, not someone mystically acquiring a thicker skin from the top shelf at the Thick Skin Supermarket, because life is about compromise. Not loading it all inequitably on one side. And you certainly don't do a thing just because you can, to paraphrase Dr. Ian Malcolm ( ). That's why I like to ask people, particularly those who seem to have quite a different view point from my own, how they arrived at their conclusions. We can then work to hopefully some kind of understanding and respect in our mutual shared space. It might not be cool, or a lovely snarky belittling one-liner - and honestly, sometimes I wish it was because I'm just as much a glutton for the easy option - but I am genuinely seeking to make our shared game a better place. And yes, it's probably fruit-loop crazy to do so, but we've already established I have issues. <3


This is the What I Learned Today Section:

For my part, if this sort of thing happens to me again, I can be less uptight, perhaps, but if I'm not in the mood for it, I'll definitely be more assertive in telling the person to back off. If they're particularly unlucky, I might engage them in a discussion where I demand further information and motive from them (and you know now just how bad that can be!). I've appreciated your, Nedkel's and JackHatchet's responses as people with differing points of view on this, even if all of your first responses to me was to be insulting. I decided you probably didn't mean it that way, you're just being blunt, or as reactive as I can be with such a call-out, and your thoughts add to the pot regardless, and you were all certainly obliging enough to elaborate when asked. I don't have to think any of you are 100% right per se, but it's not that you're all 100% wrong either. Again, I love me some nuance.

I know this is unasked for advice but I am, perhaps unnecessarily, concerned for you: I think you need to be more thoughtful, more cautious in general if you're convinced there's nothing wrong with what you did in the past at all. Though I hope you can see where I'm coming from, even just a little, and that you take this post with in the spirit it was intended: from a benevolent place with your best interests at heart, like it's from a mum or dad (which, technically, it is, so... there's that). Your posts had an young-seeming attitude which is why I've taken this stance, but if you're into your 30s and married with kids, oops! I mean in no way to regress you to younger more carefree days. Thanks again for being a good sport, I truly do value this sort of conversation - and I'm sorry for writing a novel-in-a-post.

Regardless, if you or anyone else wants to continue this discussion we've so successfully managed to derail the post with (apologies, OP!), I'm quite happy to do so - though I might be a bit slow on the replies, as I've inclement weather incoming for the next 24 hours and no guarantee of being able to post (meh, thunderstorms. I can feel it in the air, you know XD. I also realised I can probably use that inclement weather line as cover for when my mother-in-law next visits...). Anyhoo, if any of you are based on Light - and you'll hopefully appreciate how big this is for me to say - feel free to look me up for a chat about this sort of thing, or anything you have going on. I will hear you, so long as you mind your manners.

[Ceridwenae]

Admittedly, I snorted tea through my nose when laughing at this.

[Canadane]

Mission successful, then.

[SenorPatty]

Mission successful, then.

Can I steal this gif?

[frostmagemari]

I haven't tank in a min, I pull a mob that could be avoided and then it started. They consent laugh at you emotes and the snide remarks about my rotation. At this point I have no said a word why this is happening. So I got fed up before the second boss and vote to kick for harassment. Apperly the other dps agreed and he was kicked from group. He friend call us both idiots and said reported for false boot then left. We re qued and beat dungeon. My point stands he was rude and I didn't say one word.

Not saying you did anything against the rules, because you didn't; but why was your first response to kick him for harassment (even though you keep claiming you didn't actually kick him for that reason, but for slowing down the dungeon) and not to ask him to knock it off?
Maybe it wouldn't have done anything, but it seems odd that the go-to decision was to refuse to speak and move straight to just removing them.

[Ronduwil]

Not saying you did anything against the rules, because you didn't; but why was your first response to kick him for harassment (even though you keep claiming you didn't actually kick him for that reason, but for slowing down the dungeon) and not to ask him to knock it off?

Have you dealt with a bully before? They get a kick out of annoying you. Demonstrating annoyance will almost certainly encourage and reinforce the behavior. I think the OP's response was warranted and correct.