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I feel that using these words aren't always a wise choice. There are better words that can be used. I personally do not use any forms of the word autism, as it personally doesn't make me feel comfortable. However, I have used the word cancer before. As it happens - I'm 18, and my father passed away from stage 4 lymphoma in March. Of course, I hate the word cancer. It sometimes makes me want to curl into a little ball and cry, but I do understand context. When I see the word cancer being used, I would not take offence to it. However, I'd only be upset if they were making jokes about any family members dying of cancer. Only assholes do that, though.

I think the most important thing here is recognising that not everyone means to be offensive when they say certain words, and it can be a slippery slope when we start policing what people can say. However, I do think there's much more appropriate words that can be said!
Didn't want to reply with anything except to say that I'm terribly sorry for your loss and even as a stranger on the Internet, you have my condolences.