Thanks for your input everyone. However, my concern is of the post existing at all in the first place. I shouldn't have to get personal here to simply delete a post of mine. Any other forum I've used in the past had this option as a standard.

That post is a terrible reminder of a dark era in my past and is rather troublesome for me to know it still exists. I simply request that it be deleted immediately.

This is something very simple to take care of and yet I don't have a way to do it myself, privately.

Moderator, thank you for your guidance above. Could you please instead assist me with my original plea?