Don't ask, don't tell - Relationship Thought Experiment

[MoroMurasaki]

Imagine you only dated someone because of who they are inside.
If they lie about their interests, their passions, etc, they are being a completely fake person.
If they turn out to be a different gender than you thought, they are still the same person.

You might personally value gender more than age, personality, etc. But not everyone feels that way.

The issue is that you're saying it's not okay to value gender more than those things and that its actually transphobic. It isn't. It's called having a static sexuality.

And if someone in a video game says they are a girl. And continues to say they are a girl. But were born male. Then yes, they are a girl. Regardless with how they look IRL.

And if someone in a video game says they are a girl, but then says "actually i'm not a girl inside I was lying" then they are dishonest.

I'm not going to debate any of this with you, I have no desire to bang my head into a wall.

[Magic-Mal]

This entire thread is about guys "hyper investing" in people they -think- are girls, only to get broken hearted when they find out their fantasy isn't real. This is sexism and entitlement. The idea of investing in a girl and then being disappointed at not getting what you want/imagined.

No I think you're very wrong about this. The guys aren't entitled or sexist. They're just stupid and thirsty lol.

[Azurymber]

The issue is that you're saying it's not okay to value gender more than those things and that its actually transphobic. It isn't. It's called having a static sexuality.

If you meet someone IRL and they look female, but were born male. And they don't immediately inform you. And you fall for them. Then yeah, if you get upset at them when they tell you they were born male, that's transphobic. If someone is living or expressing themselves as a specific gender, they have the right to do that. You aren't entitled to that information the second you meet them.

In final fantasy, if people express themselves as their preferred gender, that's their right. They aren't "fake." They aren't a problem.
In real life, if people express themselves as their preferred gender, that's their right. They aren't "fake." They aren't a problem.

Getting upset because some people playing a female character and expressing themselves as being female were actually born male is literally transphobia. It's an expectation that trans people inform everyone they are trans.

[HyoMinPark]

If you start dating someone and they lie about their gender, then the issue is Dishonesty, and not gender. (if you emphasize gender, this is transphobia)

I mean, if I ever were interested in dating via this game, how would it make me transphobic to be angry at someone who lied to me and said they were a male, but it came out that they’re actually a female after I had invested a lot of time in a relationship that was more than just friendly? While I don’t really care about sexuality, I usually tend to consider myself heterosexual. Being angry that they lied to me is not the same as being transphobic, especially if the person isn’t actually a transgender individual but just a liar with regards to their real life gender.

Getting upset because some people playing a female character and expressing themselves as being female were actually born male is literally transphobia. It's an expectation that trans people inform everyone they are trans.

Males that play female characters are not always transgender, though. I feel like you’re somewhat insinuating that they are. Two of my best friends are males and they both prefer to play female characters in video games. They aren’t transgender; one is in a happy relationship with a girl he has known since his school days. What are you even getting at? Are you seriously insinuating that all males who play females are expressing themselves as females in real life? That they are actually transgender? What if they just want to play a female character?

[Skivvy]

Sexism, entitlement and transphobia. We are still on the XIV official forums, right?

[MoroMurasaki]

If you meet someone IRL and they look female, but were born male. And they don't immediately inform you. And you fall for them. Then yeah, if you get upset at them when they tell you they were born male, that's transphobic. If someone is living or expressing themselves as a specific gender, they have the right to do that. You aren't entitled to that information the second you meet them.

In final fantasy, if people express themselves as their preferred gender, that's their right. They aren't "fake." They aren't a problem.
In real life, if people express themselves as their preferred gender, that's their right. They aren't "fake." They aren't a problem.

Getting upset because some people playing a female character and expressing themselves as being female were actually born male is literally transphobia. It's an expectation that trans people inform everyone they are trans.

The disconnect here is that you are saying this is about trans people when it isn't. Until you can understand what it's actually about I'm done talking to you. These discussions surrounding actual trans people require much more nuance than you'll find on these forums.

If someone comes into this thread and wants to say that trans women dont deserve the same respect that cis women have i will shut them right down with you. The problem is that hasn't happened.

[Azurymber]

I mean, if I ever were interested in dating via this game, how would it make me transphobic to be angry at someone who lied to me and said they were a male, but it came out that they’re actually a female after I had invested a lot of time in a relationship that was more than just friendly? While I don’t really care about sexuality, I usually tend to consider myself heterosexual. Being angry that they lied to me is not the same as being transphobic, especially if the person isn’t actually a transgender individual but just a liar with regards to their real life gender.

If the person isn't actually trans and just lied to you, then yeah you have a right to be angry.
But if the anger is specifically about the fact that they aren't the gender you thought (and not that they lied to you about something important) that's kind of transphobic.
Because if you're only angry about their gender, you're essentially saying who they are never mattered.

Basically it's the difference between:
"I'm upset because a person I cared about was dishonest"
and
"I'm upset because this person no longer adheres to my fantasy"

[Rokke]

My female character gets hit on by thirsty guys. My male character gets hit on by fujos and thirsty gay guys. Theres no winning lol

[Magic-Mal]

"I'm upset because this person no longer adheres to my fantasy"

Because they were dishonest? You're only transphobic if the person is trans... Or am I still stuck in 2017?

[Bourne_Endeavor]

If the person isn't actually trans and just lied to you, then yeah you have a right to be angry.
But if the anger is specifically about the fact that they aren't the gender you thought (and not that they lied to you about something important) that's kind of transphobic.
Because if you're only angry about their gender, you're essentially saying who they are never mattered.

You're basically insinuating people aren't allowed to have preferences. For anyone with a static sexuality, gender is important. They're attracted to specific things, and want their partner to have specific parts. Transphobia implies a fear or hatred. A person can have preferences without hating someone.