Confessions of a Toxic Elitist

[Malzian]

I've been in SSS since my last post, so I'm slowly catching up on all the posts thus far, but I have a moment to respond to this one. My peers have been pretty supportive - in fact, it wasn't really an issue with them because I'm not playing horribly. But looking at my logs (I'm on PS4, so I can't parse myself, otherwise, I'd have more than what's uploaded), I can tell I'm not pulling my weight. I haven't had anybody really call me out on my DPS, but the thing with me is that I've come to hold myself to a high standard. I don't look to other party members to push their DPS, because in Savage raiding, since I don't have a static, the only thing I really care as far as the party goes is that we all get the clear as smoothly as possible. As far as DPS goes when I'm playing SMN, I care that I'm only pulling my weight DPS-wise, which I have not been.

I wouldn't say it's so much as that I'm not enjoying it, but rather, I have a lot of pride. Now, to be fair, I have no idea what kind of numbers I've been pulling lately because none of my logs have been posted since March 7th. But the DPS numbers are similar in the normal Sigmascape fights that have been uploaded recently. So it kinda screws with me that I've been wanting a stronger player base when I myself have been playing far below what is considered average. A poster above you said that this bout of depression was deserved, and perhaps that might be true. I admit that I was completely in the wrong.

But I don't personally judge others parses...never have. Not saying anybody here said that I was, just providing extra clarification.

Here, let me pull your attention to another post as well:

In what content are you 9th percentile though? If it's savage then you are actually in the 10% of players even doing content of that difficulty and that's who the percentile compares you against. It doesn't mean 91% of the entire player base performs better than you. The mere fact that you are concerned about how well you play probably puts you far above the average player.

There's something to this but there's also other factors you may not be considering: How many players are actually posting logs of Sigma Normal? If people are posting FFLogs of a normal version of a raid, what is the likelihood that they're also they ones obsessed with high percentiles and thus you're comparing yourself against the average of 10% of the population which is intrinsically different than the average of 100% of the population? (If your at 9th percentile of the top 90th percentile then you're actually 91st percentile which is WAY above the typical average). Lastly, unless you're running with the same people as always whom are uploading these logs, how certain are you off their ACT settings to accurately portray your performance?

Just more food for thought.