Dating & Romance Rant

[raela]

If set on finding people in game, it might be worth googling some of the ”met significant other on ffxiv/mmo” topics.. They happen somewhat regularly here and on reddit. Stories there are generally, ”found cool person, hung out lots, got interested, started dating” - not people going out of their way to find a partner to begin with.

[AngelCheese77]

Well, there is nothing wrong with trying those dating websites. A girlfriend of mine did, and is married with a child. I found my husband though ... very odd circumstances (I was the type who thought I'd never get married, being almost everything you described yourself as).

My advice? Be yourself. Know what you want but also realize the 'perfect one' might not be who you really need. Go with your gut. If something doesn't feel right, don't be afraid to say no or look somewhere else (another girlfriend of mine didn't listen when I said the dude she was dating made my neck hair stand up .. and sure enough, that dude was abusive and controlling) and above all else, don't beat yourself up.

Good luck, and I hope you find someone.

[LadyKairi]

Snip

I had to see a councilor when I was in your shoes. She was amazing and cracked down on why I felt the way I did, and she gave me tools to help build myself up. That may be an option.

Something I do to help build confidence in myself is I look at myself in the mirror every day, and I pick 5 GOOD things I see in myself. Ignore the bad, look at the good. After only seeing the bad for so long, it was hard to do at first, but it has gotten a lot easier as time went on. Working out also helped me gain self confidence. I felt great, and I felt I started to look great too.

What helped me may not help you, but I figured I'd throw in my 2 cents. Best of luck to you, deary.

[Shihen]

Before you do anything else, stop and forget about romantic relationships temporarily. Focus on making friends with girls, in real life, with only friendship in mind. The collective advice from different female friends that know you personally is what you need right now. They can tell you exactly what you're doing wrong, what you're doing right, and why.

[Darkobra]

A girlfriend starts as a friend. You don't jump straight into a relationship. You're looking for a status rather than falling for a person.

Meet people. Spend time with them. Go slow. The fact that you're ONLY thinking about having a girlfriend in general is damaging for both sides.

[Iromi]

OP, relationships are not something that can be forced. Based on my personal experience, sure, I always had guys (and girls I guess) trying to go out with me but none of them..clicked...I easily make friends with anyone, but never had a romantic interest in anybody, I thought maybe there just wasn't someone for me, stopped caring and gave up.

Then one day..sometime in early 2010 they merged the servers of FFXI, mine got merged into Lakshmi..and when I logged in, later in the week or whatever, I got a /tell from someone, he was really, really nice to me and just straight forward when he spoke to me. The second he sent me a /tell I felt that spark, or click..whatever it was, I never experienced it in my life. So anyway, I dealt with almost the entire games population hating on me or hitting on me, it was one extreme or the other, all because I shared a photo of myself on a popular website dedicated to FFXI (It allowed us a profile, and then a gallery for personal and/or game pics)..and he was the only one who was nice to me,..without hidden agendas. So fast forward and here we are 8 years later, happy as can be.

So I guess my point is..yeah, this stuff can't be forced, gotta let it do its thing while you be you. The more I stopped caring about it, the more friends I made and eventually found someone kind You sound really cool and super friendly so I bet eventually you will find an awesome partner

[Wilford111]

To the females who are saying that a relationship is something that develops naturally out of a normal friendship.... I mean no disrespect, but I feel like that's not how it works of you're a male, since is traditionally up to the guys to make that push to relationship status. So it would make sense if, in a female's perspective, it would seem like it just happens.

Please forgive me if I'm wrong, I really don't want to come across as rude or ignorant. This is just how I feel about the situation.

[MoroMurasaki]

To the females who are saying that a relationship is something that develops naturally out of a normal friendship.... I mean no disrespect, but I feel like that's not how it works of you're a male, since is traditionally up to the guys to make that push to relationship status. So it would make sense if, in a female's perspective, it would seem like it just happens.

Please forgive me if I'm wrong, I really don't want to come across as rude or ignorant. This is just how I feel about the situation.

This is fair (though not 100% of the time for sure) but I think you need to be willing to put yourself out there to meet people as friends or potential girlfriends. If you meet someone as a friend and want more with them then take the chance and ask.

I get that it won't happen entirely organically but chemistry is a thing. To be able to see that someone finds you attractive means you first have to believe that might be possible which brings us back around to confidence.

[LaurieB]

Defining the words "click" and "chemistry"...its what you have in common, likes and dislikes, attitudes about things, past history, spending time together. That takes time, a lot of it. There is no such thing as instant. Yes, people say there is but later, they realize that in a search for someone, they overlooked the very things that now come glaring through over time. Take your time. Forget about the buzz words, forget about relationship, be open, be friendly, be natural, be non demanding, don't be pushy, don't push anything. Years of experience here..it will happen but beware at the same time, enjoy friendships they are golden. “It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy relationships.”― Friedrich Nietzsche

[Titor]

If you refer to women as females that’s a good way to turn women away