Dating & Romance Rant

[Ntol]

Adding my 2 cents from another perspective: No matter how shy or socially inept you are or consider yourself to be. There´s always someone out there for you.
I have never been one to go to clubs or meeting people in person, so the only choice I had was, like yourself, the online world. At first I tried chatting but it was a mess. The best solution I found was using dating sites. There you can describe yourself as you like (be honest of course) and find someone that fits you.
Through this I found my would be husband, although in fact he found me through my profile. We married after 5 years and have been together 8. So, you see, there´s always hope for us shy and low-self-esteemed people.

[Serilda]

A lot of good advice in here, and credit to the original poster for taking it on board too and not lashing out; I've seen a lot of threads on other forums turn nasty when the frustrated person looking for love starts acting like a jerk as soon as people try to help, immediately turning people against them. That's not happening at all here. 24 is still young!

I want to agree a thousand times over with the tip to avoid jumping at anyone who gives you an opportunity for a relationship without being too invested in them as an individual. Having been on the other side of it, it's obvious and you can tell you're not valued properly by the person trying to impress you, which just ends up ruining the relationship from the start and crushing the pursuer's ego when they're dismissed right away. When you find someone you really like, you'll want to spend time with them. You'll fascinate one another, perhaps not right away but once you start spending time together and realise you're on the same wavelength.

Introverts can have love too, so long as they put themselves in a position to find it. Having an introverted partner is great too. It doesn't matter if you're shy, or awkward, or tall, or chubby, or have a funny nose, or know more about Deep Space Nine than sports, or anything like that. Nerdy girls exist. In abundance. Especially in Final Fantasy fandom which has a very strong female fanbase. Some pass as guys (deliberately or unintentionally), some are already in relationships (or actively avoiding them) and some are just like you; shy and eager to make some real human connections but unsure how to get things going without alienating people. Several can be found in the Eternal Bond and Friendship threads right here.

I recommend taking it slow and being certain about your feelings because however painful it is to be alone and isolated, it's probably even worse to go through a bad breakup. It's the pits. Please take care of yourself, and remember that no matter how much you think you suck, someone out there might find your unique qualities cute so long as you keep striving to be the best that you can. I doubt your idea of the ideal woman is some kind of perfect goddess without a single flaw, so remember that it's the same in reverse for your future partner. They'll probably see things in you that you never realised were there, too.

[akaneakki]

You shouldn't expect to find one online and if you do, it's gonna be harder than finding one near you IRL. Unless you close it relative fast. There is too many people who tries online but have no resource to pull it off sadly. My only tip is to try be more open about yourself and try different ways.

[YuuNarukami]

With all the tips in this thread for you, OP. I have full faith that if you take them to heart, you'll find someone one day. I believe in you!

In truth, when you find someone who you really connect with, it changes you for the better. You make each other better people.

[Crysten]

OP - I'm going to apologise in advance if any of this sounds harsh - rest assured this isn't my intention and I relate a lot to what you're experiencing.

In my experience, I used to live abroad in Japan for several years in my 20s, and I'm 32 now. While I was out there, I travelled home to visit my family one Christmas and met one of my old university friends. We hit it off extremely well after all the time since uni, had a long distance relationship and a year or so later, I made the conscious decision that I wanted to return home for her.

Sure enough, it happened, we started a relationship, but the kicker was I was stuck on the ground floor looking for new work and living with my parents. Less than three months later, I found myself single on Christmas Eve and she had already got another guy lined up. Turns out that she never really loved me as much as I did her and that stung, especially with the sacrifices I had already made.

So there I am, back home from somewhere I absolutely loved living, living with my parents, with a minimum wage job, and have been dumped on Christmas Eve in favour of a guy more attractive and successful than I am. Basically, rock bottom.

Since then, while I've always had this lingering want in the back of my mind to get another relationship, my self-confidence took a massive hit and I've never really been able to trust or go out of my way to meet anyone else since then. That said, eventually I woke up one morning, and decided to, perhaps rather selfishly, channel my energy into me instead.

I used it as a means to hit the gym, pour my energy into my work and creative outlets and slowly but surely come back out of my shell. My logic? That if I ever do meet someone, I have reason to be proud of myself and a reason that if I ever see my ex again, I can show her exactly what she missed out on.

Sure enough, I now own my own home, have a very well paid job and look better than I did back then, so all wins - the only thing I'm lacking is someone to share it with. The point I'm trying to make is as people have said though, it's all about being happy and confident with yourself before you can move on to others. If you hate everything about yourself or are wallowing in self-pity, you've already lost the battle.

At the end of the day, being in your mid 20s is not really the time to be panicking about this and giving up on this aspect of your life. You shouldn't be looking for love for the sake of it. It might even be worth looking at it from a different perspective. Relationships are normal, yes, but so is being single. Don't use the fact you are as a means of putting yourself down, as there are pros and cons to each!

Enjoy your independence and use the opportunity to reflect and better yourself - the rest will fix itself. Everyone's rooting for you, mate.

[silverlunarfox]

I have friends that are girls, some I have a crush on, but I that's the end of it. I don't want to ask them out, because I don't want to come across as creepy or have them look at me in a weird way and become estranged to me. I don't want to lose my friends.

I found the problem right here.

Fear.

But conquering that just takes time. Don't be desperate and force things to happen, but hey if opportunity arises, meet it. Ask a friend out for a dinner date. Doesn't have to be serious but it can give you an idea of where it can go. If nowhere, well at least there is good food to be had

Also don't forget its OK to be alone. It took me a while to accept that, and once I did, I became a better person, and thats when I met my husband. But it wasn't instant or over night. It started out as fun. And thats how it should be. Just don't be so serious about HAVING to have a serious relationship right off the bat. Have some fun and enjoy life too!

[Pence]

Step 1) Stop posting your relationship woes on a gaming forum. It's weird.

Step 2) Download Tinder.

Step 3) Swipe.

Step 4) Chat like you would anyone else until you have a connection. Done.

[ManuelBravo]

May want to try Match instead I know of a few gamer friends that met there. Seems more reliable.

[Avatre]

Step 1) Stop posting your relationship woes on a gaming forum. It's weird.

Step 2) Download Tinder.

Step 3) Swipe.

Step 4) Hope someone you swiped yes for swipes yes on your profile

Step 5) Chat like you would anyone else until you have a connection. Done.

Fixed that for you. It doesn't help to swipe yes on someone and them not swiping yes on you, as otherwise you cannot talk to them.

May want to try Match instead I know of a few gamer friends that met there. Seems more reliable.

As someone who has tried(and failed - might need to get a friend to review my profile and give feedback...) using Match, it does seem like it is more likely to find a meaningful relationship through it rather than through Tinder. Only thing I've noticed, is that if you want to communicate with someone and it's not the "Free Weekend" thing, it does cost a fair amount(though it does seem to have more success stories than almost anywhere else).

[Nora_of_Mira]

I must have missed the part in the 4.1 content preview about dating and romance. Can I date Estinien? How do I get him to like me?