I've always thought it was stupid that people have this power trip when they play a healer or a tank. The stupid idea of "you tank it you pull" shouldn't be something you hold against your party. So what if they pull? You can basically take aggro off them with a single button press.

They were right in that you weren't doing your job out of spite. Adapt to the situation rather than be stubborn and have everything be required to fall into your perfect plan.
Sorry to be blunt, but if you can't adapt, you have no business being a tank, let alone being a good player altogether.