Most of your complaints are cases of confusing "Nice to have" with "Necessary to have." Healer DpS is nice but not always necessary.
You may need to reexamine your Dissipation use, and you don't
need to swiftcast summon at the start of a duty.
It is nice but is not required despite your belief that it is required.
Not every fight inflicts esunable status effects. Only reason you really want esuna before 40 is because of how esunable Dot heavy Thousand Maws is. Most other DoTs and Status effects are fairly easy to ignore. A fair few Healers have ignored esunable status effects on me to focus more on their own damage.
Most healers overheal by more than 10%. You won't be losing that much dps from not having it. It will only be needed when the different in damage between having and not having is the difference between someone dying and someone not dying.
As a tank I rarely have trouble in large pulls when a healer/summoner fails to use Eye for an Eye on me. Also I said Eye for an Eye will be "useful" not "more useful than other abilities."
Which is why your in general selection might look like this:
- Swiftcast
- Lucid Dream
- Appreciation
- Protect
- Esuna
And swap in the other 5 based on your knowledge of what will be useful in the content you are doing.
My general tanking set is likely to be the following.
- Low blow
- Interject
- Either Provoke or Ultimatum depending on player preference
- Rampart
- Convalescence
"Standard" does not equal "always needed." The 5 slot limit of the Cross Role system is more about button bloat limiting than preventing use of common abilities.