Harassing Healers - or: Please allow Parsers

[BigRed5392]

Tanks are generally the last to be kicked in an instance because the group is all but guaranteed a 10-30+ minute wait for a new one, assuming they’re running content that is still relevant. People put up with a surprising amount in DF- its a rare event that people kick small pull tanks, zero dps healers, or even subpar dps. Unless something is very obviously wrong (blizzard wizard wrong, dropping meteors on the party multiple times wrong, purposely getting locked out wrong) most will slog through the duty with little more than the occasional sarcastic remark.

If your girlfriend, a tank, the hardest role to replace in a party, is getting kicked or fought with regularly in DF, something is amiss. If this occurs/has occurred DAILY (for months!) I am confident that this is on her.



For reals. I feel bad that she she as ASD/ADHD. I feel bad that she felt so bad about a run that she cried.

But it takes a set amount of people to accept a kick, and if she is kicked regularly than people regularly find her a big enough problem to cut.

you do know that it only takes 2 ppl to kick in 4 man. And it can simply be a friend to kick. I didn't mean to convey she is getting kicked a lot, but harassed a lot. And only to show case how rude and vindictive this community can be, and how assumption is the instigator because of stress over player made rules. I met and dated my g/f for 2 years on ff14, and party with her regularly. we was just fc mates at the time. I moved her im, june first of last year. With that said, if my g/f WAS the issue I'd be the first to tell her as she trusts my judgement. My g/f in these cases will show me her chat log, and ask if she did anything wrong. And imo she doesn't. She does her best, and i support her.

True... I've been reading silently for a while, and at first I had a lot of sympathy, but the more he says, the more it seems "she is completely silent except for nitpicks and people didn't like it." She would probably have better results just saying what she thinks is wrong instead of questioning them out of nowhere. Like the regen thing on tank before pulls. Lots of healers don't realize it makes it a pain to establish aggro. Why not just say that instead of a very generic and easily misunderstood "Why you do this?"

It honestly just seems like there was lack of communication from both sides and she's blaming them for it, and they decide to just kick her instead of sorting it out lol. People forget that other players are not mind readers, so if something can be taken offensively, it will be.

She was raised to be kind, and point out a person faults is rude. She asks questions to NOT ASSUME, as she feels people make mistakes and don't realize it. She isn't nitpicking but asking. It is to open up the door to communication, you know like an adult. It is the way this community acts, that people act like this. Which is also what I was pointing out. People assume everyone else is rude, and treat people nasty, and do vindictive things like refusing to heal, tank or dps.

She rarely asks questions, only if it is a repeated action or making the run slow, or is making her job hard. My g/f has been playing since CE launch of 1.0, had multiple characters/jobs at the 50/60 cap.

Again we never have issues on tonberry. If it wasn't for my work schedules we would still be over there.

[Fluffernuff]

sorry, i had a reply there. I said sure Idm. I just took the oppritunity to clarify using a recent incident as to what goes on.

I wouldn't mind looking into this myself, either. I'm on Goblin, myself. IF I were to do this and find the "issue" to be something on her end, though, and comment on it, I would hope you two to at least be open to that criticism. If it's an issue with her tanking, I can point out ways to smooth it out for her. If it's her "nagging", I could be there to see if it's truly something worthy to point out.

As others have mentioned, it's not really normal to be kicked that often, So I'm more curious than anything else. But if I do help with this little mystery of yours, I do ask you be willing to accept any possible guilt. Not to assume there IS, just a matter of IF.

[SeriousxSarcasm]

For reals. I feel bad that she she as ASD/ADHD. I feel bad that she felt so bad about a run that she cried.
But it takes a set amount of people to accept a kick, and if she is kicked regularly than people regularly find her a big enough problem to warrant removal from the group.

Exactly. /nodnod It doesn't seem like what's happening is intentional in any way. But like, I know personally if the only time someone speaks up is to question your skills (especially without elaborating what exactly they find lacking about them), it can be a little off putting. I go out of my way to be friendly if we're in a dungeon that's not going too great, that way when I have to pipe up with, "Oh hey, miss BLM, has anyone shown you how the fire/ice rotation works yet?" It's not going to seem like an attack... Not sure if anyone else does it this way, but I find it works better than staying quiet.

Edit: Of course, this is assuming I say anything at all. If someone kinda sucks, but the other party members are able to compensate and we have no wipes, I'm more likely to just stay quiet and carry on. XD

[BigRed5392]

I wouldn't mind looking into this myself, either. I'm on Goblin, myself. IF I were to do this and find the "issue" to be something on her end, though, and comment on it, I would hope you two to at least be open to that criticism. If it's an issue with her tanking, I can point out ways to smooth it out for her. If it's her "nagging", I could be there to see if it's truly something worthy to point out.

As others have mentioned, it's not really normal to be kicked that often, So I'm more curious than anything else. But if I do help with this little mystery of yours, I do ask you be willing to accept any possible guilt. Not to assume there IS, just a matter of IF.

i'm not saying nor conveying she is kicked often, but harassed often. You guys like to skip that don't ya lol. We are open to criticism, my g/f is begging for tips since she started to tank, as most the guides she read/watched are long winded and to her confusing.

When my g/f fucks up, she admits to messing up and apologizes.

Again we had no issues on tonberry (i forget the jp datacenter it on), only on the aether primal datacenter. My g/f been playing mmo for 13 years. she accepts her faults.

Exactly. /nodnod It doesn't seem like what's happening is intentional in any way. But like, I know personally if the only time someone speaks up is to question your skills (especially without elaborating what exactly they find lacking about them), it can be a little off putting. I go out of my way to be friendly if we're in a dungeon that's not going too great, that way when I have to pipe up with, "Oh hey, miss BLM, has anyone shown you how the fire/ice rotation works yet?" It's not going to seem like an attack... Not sure if anyone else does it this way, but I find it works better than staying quiet.

Edit: Of course, this is assuming I say anything at all. If someone kinda sucks, but the other party members are able to compensate and we have no wipes, I'm more likely to just stay quiet and carry on. XD

how much more eleborate does "umm why are you spamming regen?" this was mid battle. The healer said she wasn't. My g/f replied " i saw me regen counter reset three times" the healer replied "is that a problem?"

she never just goes "why you do that." She knows how to communicate on mmo having played ff14 since CE launch 1.0 (on and off) and 7 years on ff11.

it would help, if you guys don't skim posts as you are, and keep missing critical points. And running off on assumption.

[SeriousxSarcasm]

She was raised to be kind, and point out a person faults is rude. She asks questions to NOT ASSUME, as she feels people make mistakes and don't realize it. She isn't nitpicking but asking. It is to open up the door to communication, you know like an adult. It is the way this community acts, that people act like this. Which is also what I was pointing out. People assume everyone else is rude, and treat people nasty, and do vindictive things like refusing to heal, tank or dps.
snip

I'm sure she's the sweetest angel, but my point still stands. She should just tell them more directly what she thinks is wrong. People can't guess what she really means, and asking a vague question of "why?" doesn't sound like an opener to communication if people are stressed, it usually comes across as blunt or sarcastic.

[BigRed5392]

I'm sure she's the sweetest angel, but my point still stands. She should just tell them more directly what she thinks is wrong. People can't guess what she really means, and asking a vague question of "why?" doesn't sound like an opener to communication if people are stressed, it usually comes across as blunt or sarcastic.

how is this vague

"why are you spamming regen"

[Gemina]

If you aren't at endgame yet you probably haven't seen it yet, but once people hit 60 content they are a lot less forgiving in regards to wipes.

I was told the same thing before I hit 50, and that players are far less tolerant in 50+ content. This has not been the case for the most part. The expectation is higher for you to know the ins and outs of your job and role, but rage quitting after 1-2 wipes? It has yet to happen to me. We'll see what happens when I get to 60.

At most, I've seen people stick around for one, maybe two wipes if that. The only exception I can remember in the last several months was when I was running Weeping for light the other day. Tank and healer was new, and a couple of people were giving them grief after one wipe, at which point I told them to take five and spent the rest of the instance teaching the newbies mechanics for the last two bosses... which isn't easy midfight since the guy pulled the instant I told him to chill. Still wiped once or twice, but got through it easily enough.

Levels aside, I've still been in a lot of instances with multiple wipes, and have yet to have someone rage quit. I've had players abandon an instance at the start, but never rage quit. It might be because I am usually to one to speak up, and others might follow suit, or it might have some to do with I don't do farm parties outside my FC for reasons that you explained here. Or perhaps, like you say, the mentality just totally changes for post 60 content. If tolerance levels are so low that people rage quit after one wipe, especially if new healers and tanks are on the roster, it is quite discouraging my friend.

[Fluffernuff]

it would help, if you guys don't skim posts as you are, and keep missing critical points. And running off on assumption.

Harassment isn't much different than being kicked. DF might be infamous for its vile, but its known for the potency of that vileness, not how often it occurs. We HAVE to run off of assumption as we only have 1 side of the issue. You can paint her as a saint in those situation, or as harmless in her questioning. However, we can't take THAT at face value either, as, again, the levels of harassment you paint are not only uncommon, but is even more rare against how mild you say she is.

We must assume because we have 1 side that is inherently biased due to their relationship.

That's why I am curious (and a bit skeptical), and why Seriousxsarcasm is/was willing to offer their time to help you.


Some things might fall through the cracks that you 2 overlook in your frustration. Which is also why i threw out that stipulation.

[BigRed5392]

snip.

i don't think you get it, i'm pointing out, using my g.f as an example how COMMON it really is because of player rules stressing everyone out. I never stated my g/f is a saint. But she isn't a bad player either.

hope you get it. People assume it is uncommon, but base it from their own experience. And are very quick to dismiss things, as they never experience it.

we never had issues on the jp datacenter tonberry is on. GF only ran into 1 troll over there.

my g/f plays roughly 16 hours a day 7 days a week. She probably plays a lot more then most people here posting, I never ran into as much either, but im not gonna dismiss her experiences because of my own.

tbh i think you may have grouped with her already.

[Thunda_Cat_SMASH]

Snip.

Since 60 is the current level cap, people are naturally going to be less tolerant of wipes and wasted time, especially in content like Wiping City because it's been out for months already. There's very little content in the game that can't be completed quickly, though I admittedly don't tend to run with my FC much. I'm lazy and prefer to just df stuff solo, especially simple stuff like light farming for Relic.