can we get idk More gothy/emo outfits/hair/furinture

[kinslayer-]

I'm all aboard for more hairstyles and cosmetic stuff, add those hairstyles for every race but lalafels and au'ras please.

[LianaThorne]

Guys arguing with borderlines is legitimately useless, there’s no way a borderline can get better without medical help and even there she must WANT to get better and she won’t get healed but instead learn how to live in society and be able to have genuine relationships instead of finding some poor bastards to manipulate.

They are doing studies right now on people with BPD whether they can actually feel empathy or not:
“ Empathy has two components; cognitive empathy (imagining someone else's thoughts and feelings) and emotional empathy (the reciprocal emotional response). People with BPD score low on cognitive empathy but high on emotional empathy. This suggests that they do not easily understand other peoples' perspectives, but their own emotions are very sensitive. ”

https://clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/show/NCT05381649

You can give her as many advices as you wish, her brain processes that information in yet another destructive way “everyone’s against me” “why must I change” “tired of playing by the rules” bla bla, you’re only spooring her on to hate you and you don’t want to be hated by a borderline believe me.

I didn't want to revive this thread as I feel it's better off being buried but I wanted to voice my thoughts on this as someone who does have borderline personality disorder.

While you are correct that some people who have borderline do fall into the extreme that we see here, it is absolutely not the case for every single person who does have the disorder. I am considered someone who is functional with the disorder and I ironically did it without much medical help. Little known fact perhaps but there is not any real medication for those who have borderline, you can treat some of the symptoms (such as anxiety, depression, etc.) but the overall disorder is not "curable" through medication. The main treatment (there are technically four but the one I've been introduced to the most) is known as dialetical behavioral therapy which is basically learning how to regulate your emotions and manage your reactions to stressful situtions. I did that entirely on my own time. So no, you don't always need medical attention to solve BPD. I know I referenced in an earlier post that I did go to a mental hospital and it saved my life, but I went for drug abuse, not my disorder.

Another way to look at BPD is that the emotional side of your brain doesn't communicate properly with the logical side so small issues can become much larger and overwhelm us or our view on reality can be distorted. That doesn't mean we all lack empathy or are unable to relate to others, it just means we can sometimes have a slower time of reaching that point than those without the disorder. Using me as an example, whenever I have a really bad meltdown (what I call it when my brain gets triggered) I don't instantly jump to "Oh why do I need to change, why can't everyone else be like me, alalalalalalalala", in fact it's rather quite the opposite. Some people have what's known as "quiet bpd" which is where they are entirely blaming themselves and experience intense emotional hatred towards themselves. It's more like: "Why is it so hard for me to just be normal? Am I better off vanishing and leaving the person alone so they can be happy? I don't deserve anything." I fall closer to this side of thinking than I do the way you were generalizing the disorder.

A video on quiet BPD for anyone interested in seeing it from the experience of someone who has it: https://youtu.be/ubBmYGlfH8A (For anyone paranoid about links, the video title is: "What a BPD Episode Looks and Feels Like (From a Person Who Has BPD) " by Self Improvement Blueprint)

Now, I'm not going to go ahead and say I'm perfect and that I'm cured...because I'm not. I'm just functional enough to live a semi-normal life and have actual relationships with people. I still have my moments where I can get triggered but I have some (self-taught) coping skills now that make it less likely for me to sink into the self-sabotoging thoughts. I am not someone who goes around wishing death on others, I don't seek out people and base my friendships with them on whether or not they can be manipulated and I am capable of having conversations where criticism comes into play.

My main point behind replying to your comment is, I get where you're coming from with this information (and it does stand valid for some) but it is absolutely not okay to generalize an entire disorder behind one person's actions nor is it fair to add to the intense stigmatization that already exists for the disorder. It makes it extremely hard for me (really anyone with the disorder tbh) to even have a chance when information like this is used to attach a description to everyone who has BPD and prove that "Hey...not everyone with BPD operates in the same way." I understand that there are people who have had really awful experiences with those who have BPD (I've dated a couple who had some really awful experiences with other women who had my disorder) and I am truly sorry for those who have. It is not a fun disorder to be around but it's also really not fun to be the one who has it. I am desperate to be "normal" and can't fully be regardless of how much work, medication or therapy I put into it. I honestly wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

So, please try to be kinder when giving your thoughts on this disorder (or really any disorder) because they show in many different ways and it's important to not create this barrier between the two or make it seem like the people who have the disorder (or any disorder) aren't worth being around, at least in the generalization sense. You can't really expect us to recover and adjust back into society if people are constantly slamming doors in our face out of fear because of something someone said somewhere to make it seem like we're all demons who are just out to manipulate people and demand everyone change to fit our needs or else they're not worth anything.

Just wanted to give my thoughts on that.

[Chloe_Saunders]

I was told I have to say say sorry for having a breakdown.. Not my fault but whatever I'm sorry you won't see me post again. They won't allow me on game forms anymore and I have to talk to someone tomorrow...

So look sorry as for above IDC whathappans to me if I die then good that's a upside. But. Whatever goodbye

[SassyAssassin]

snip.

I appreciate your thoughts and let me just clear it up that it wasn’t directed at you specifically, like any mental illness, each person reacts differently, for example you have psychopaths going around killing people and psychopaths leading completely normal lives, it’s obviously not a one size fits all but even though each person with the same mental illness is different, there ARE things that are the same in each one of them otherwise it wouldn’t be considered the same illness.

When I said medical help I didn’t mean medication I meant therapy, I should have probably been more clear about that.

I too speak from a private perspective, I grew up with a bpd, it was hell; I had a barely even called friend with bpd who for some reason got obsessed with me and again hell, stopped contact five years ago and she’s still stalking my every move; new family member with bpd, again hell for everyone around, everyone I ever met that had contact with a person with bpd says the same things, its not a rare reaction or out of the norm.

BUT

the difference between you and most people with bpd is self awareness, you know you need to work on yourself and you do, but most people I met and probably others too, have had the same bitter experience. It’s never ok to stigmatise but showing data and learning the BASE of an illness is not stigmatising. People deserve to protect themselves from people with anti social personality disorders and they in turn deserve the same protection, that’s why Im sorry if my posts ever make you uncomfortable please feel free to block me because I don’t want to make you feel bad but I also don’t want anyone else to ever go through the shit I went through.

As having seen and experienced it on my own skin, I know it’s not easy for you and I am sorry you have to live with such a difficult illness that you must manage every moment of everyday, trust me I understand as much as I can and know its a million times worse than what I can understand but being a victim of bpd people is no picnic either.

[Boblawblah]

This is a perfect example of why this forum needs real moderation. Do better SE.

[LianaThorne]

snip cause mobile and editing post length sucks

Nah, no need to block over this lol. All of what you said is valid and I'm sorry that you've dealt with the worst of us on more than one occasion. It makes me sad to hear. I guess what I was trying to say is that people with any kind of personality disorder should be given the benefit of the doubt until they show otherwise that they are dangerous or have real chance of harming someone mentally. I feel that by going into it with your walls up and automatically thinking that they'll just be like the others, it harms the chance for the person to show otherwise. Do research by all means, but maybe wait until you have a real reason to based on your own interactions with that specific person rather than basing it on experiences with others alone. If you're doing it for healthy reasons, i.e. trying to understand the disorder itself and ways of keeping healthy boundaries then by all means. Just using it as a preventative measure and a way of convincing yourself this is how they must treat other people without wiggle room for being proven wrong isn't something I feel is necessarily fair. I don't think anyone likes going into meeting people and being automatically judged or hit with assumptions about how they'll act.

[SassyAssassin]

Nah, no need to block over this lol. All of what you said is valid and I'm sorry that you've dealt with the worst of us on more than one occasion. It makes me sad to hear. I guess what I was trying to say is that people with any kind of personality disorder should be given the benefit of the doubt until they show otherwise that they are dangerous or have real chance of harming someone mentally. I feel that by going into it with your walls up and automatically thinking that they'll just be like the others, it harms the chance for the person to show otherwise. Do research by all means, but maybe wait until you have a real reason to based on your own interactions with that specific person rather than basing it on experiences with others alone. If you're doing it for healthy reasons, i.e. trying to understand the disorder itself and ways of keeping healthy boundaries then by all means. Just using it as a preventative measure and a way of convincing yourself this is how they must treat other people without wiggle room for being proven wrong isn't something I feel is necessarily fair. I don't think anyone likes going into meeting people and being automatically judged or hit with assumptions about how they'll act.

Yes of course I think the biggest misunderstanding we have is that I was answering about a person with borderline that said she wants to kill people.
I remember you saying a while back you had bpd too but I never felt like you were unreasonable in any way or that I should be weary of you or expect anything bad from you so I never took mind of it, I probably should’ve specified more clearly that obviously not everyone with bpd is the same there are just traits that have to be the same in order to be the same illness but it’s a massive difference between someone with bpd working on themselves vs someone with bpd not doing any work, and this isn’t exclusive to bpd, it goes for every mental illness of course.

[Bunnycake]

I-I just want more gothic themes from horror films. ; w;

[Chloe_Saunders]

How am I supposed to deal with my emotions on things I tell myself to be good but whenever I feel like I really am against the world just for the things I like.. Look I go to therapy I take seroquall and few other meds but I still get like that and I don't know why I just feel attacked when people say no when I just try to be myself and have fun enjoying what I enjoy.. I wish it could be more like my books

[Shinkuno]

How am I supposed to deal with my emotions on things I tell myself to be good but whenever I feel like I really am against the world just for the things I like.. Look I go to therapy I take seroquall and few other meds but I still get like that and I don't know why I just feel attacked when people say no when I just try to be myself and have fun enjoying what I enjoy.. I wish it could be more like my books

Because if wanting to kill is "you being you and enjoying what you enjoy" then you need help, IT IS WRONG. There is no sugarcoating that.