can we get idk More gothy/emo outfits/hair/furinture

[LianaThorne]

Guys arguing with borderlines is legitimately useless, there’s no way a borderline can get better without medical help and even there she must WANT to get better and she won’t get healed but instead learn how to live in society and be able to have genuine relationships instead of finding some poor bastards to manipulate.

They are doing studies right now on people with BPD whether they can actually feel empathy or not:
“ Empathy has two components; cognitive empathy (imagining someone else's thoughts and feelings) and emotional empathy (the reciprocal emotional response). People with BPD score low on cognitive empathy but high on emotional empathy. This suggests that they do not easily understand other peoples' perspectives, but their own emotions are very sensitive. ”

https://clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/show/NCT05381649

You can give her as many advices as you wish, her brain processes that information in yet another destructive way “everyone’s against me” “why must I change” “tired of playing by the rules” bla bla, you’re only spooring her on to hate you and you don’t want to be hated by a borderline believe me.

I didn't want to revive this thread as I feel it's better off being buried but I wanted to voice my thoughts on this as someone who does have borderline personality disorder.

While you are correct that some people who have borderline do fall into the extreme that we see here, it is absolutely not the case for every single person who does have the disorder. I am considered someone who is functional with the disorder and I ironically did it without much medical help. Little known fact perhaps but there is not any real medication for those who have borderline, you can treat some of the symptoms (such as anxiety, depression, etc.) but the overall disorder is not "curable" through medication. The main treatment (there are technically four but the one I've been introduced to the most) is known as dialetical behavioral therapy which is basically learning how to regulate your emotions and manage your reactions to stressful situtions. I did that entirely on my own time. So no, you don't always need medical attention to solve BPD. I know I referenced in an earlier post that I did go to a mental hospital and it saved my life, but I went for drug abuse, not my disorder.

Another way to look at BPD is that the emotional side of your brain doesn't communicate properly with the logical side so small issues can become much larger and overwhelm us or our view on reality can be distorted. That doesn't mean we all lack empathy or are unable to relate to others, it just means we can sometimes have a slower time of reaching that point than those without the disorder. Using me as an example, whenever I have a really bad meltdown (what I call it when my brain gets triggered) I don't instantly jump to "Oh why do I need to change, why can't everyone else be like me, alalalalalalalala", in fact it's rather quite the opposite. Some people have what's known as "quiet bpd" which is where they are entirely blaming themselves and experience intense emotional hatred towards themselves. It's more like: "Why is it so hard for me to just be normal? Am I better off vanishing and leaving the person alone so they can be happy? I don't deserve anything." I fall closer to this side of thinking than I do the way you were generalizing the disorder.

A video on quiet BPD for anyone interested in seeing it from the experience of someone who has it: https://youtu.be/ubBmYGlfH8A (For anyone paranoid about links, the video title is: "What a BPD Episode Looks and Feels Like (From a Person Who Has BPD) " by Self Improvement Blueprint)

Now, I'm not going to go ahead and say I'm perfect and that I'm cured...because I'm not. I'm just functional enough to live a semi-normal life and have actual relationships with people. I still have my moments where I can get triggered but I have some (self-taught) coping skills now that make it less likely for me to sink into the self-sabotoging thoughts. I am not someone who goes around wishing death on others, I don't seek out people and base my friendships with them on whether or not they can be manipulated and I am capable of having conversations where criticism comes into play.

My main point behind replying to your comment is, I get where you're coming from with this information (and it does stand valid for some) but it is absolutely not okay to generalize an entire disorder behind one person's actions nor is it fair to add to the intense stigmatization that already exists for the disorder. It makes it extremely hard for me (really anyone with the disorder tbh) to even have a chance when information like this is used to attach a description to everyone who has BPD and prove that "Hey...not everyone with BPD operates in the same way." I understand that there are people who have had really awful experiences with those who have BPD (I've dated a couple who had some really awful experiences with other women who had my disorder) and I am truly sorry for those who have. It is not a fun disorder to be around but it's also really not fun to be the one who has it. I am desperate to be "normal" and can't fully be regardless of how much work, medication or therapy I put into it. I honestly wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

So, please try to be kinder when giving your thoughts on this disorder (or really any disorder) because they show in many different ways and it's important to not create this barrier between the two or make it seem like the people who have the disorder (or any disorder) aren't worth being around, at least in the generalization sense. You can't really expect us to recover and adjust back into society if people are constantly slamming doors in our face out of fear because of something someone said somewhere to make it seem like we're all demons who are just out to manipulate people and demand everyone change to fit our needs or else they're not worth anything.

Just wanted to give my thoughts on that.