New white mage - but I may give it up after being verbally attacked by toxic players

[Sebazy]

Being the best healer in the world can only go so far before a bad tank will force you to compensate or drain yourself dry.

Honestly, a bad tank changes little to nothing in this game, at least not that you can do anything about at least. I've done dungeons with tanks that had less HP than me, it was still absolutely fine with the caveat being that I did my best to ensure stuff died in a timely manner. In harder content? If the tank isn't doing their job it's probably just going to cause them to die or force a raid wipe depending on the content. Meh.

You know when you spend the entire raid keeping your Tank alive - barely - and spamming medica 2 for dps and at the end the DPS says - nice raid when you have to heal yourself. Or the Tank says they always pull that big - what's wrong with you healer?

If you're spamming Medica II at level 65, you are without a doubt absolutely doing it wrong. You might not be entirely at fault, but chances are you are not helping things. Consider recording yourself and watch your replays back for a couple of dungeons. It's surprising how different things can feel when viewed back without the pressure of the moment upon you. It'll make it much easier to figure out where you're going wrong without the 'toxic' opinions of those who may or may not actually be correct weighing on you.

[Brandedblade]

Honestly, a bad tank changes little to nothing in this game, at least not that you can do anything about at least. I've done dungeons with tanks that had less HP than me, it was still absolutely fine with the caveat being that I did my best to ensure stuff died in a timely manner. In harder content? If the tank isn't doing their job it's probably just going to cause them to die or force a raid wipe depending on the content. Meh.

I'm so glad you're so amazing at this game. But I was trying be nice to the newer player and let him know that yes, things happen that aren't always his fault. If the other players aren't doing their best then that puts more strain on others to compensate, at some point the straw will break the camels back. Is he playing perfectly? No, ofc he isn't, I even advised him to look up some healing guides to see what he's doing wrong.

[Sebazy]

I'm so glad you're so amazing at this game. But I was trying be nice to the newer player and let him know that yes, things happen that aren't always his fault. If the other players aren't doing their best then that puts more strain on others to compensate, at some point the straw will break the camels back. Is he playing perfectly? No, ofc he isn't, I even advised him to look up some healing guides to see what he's doing wrong.

If you think you need to be amazing at any point in dungeons then well, that just reflects on you TBH.

There's three main differences here:

I've analysed my own runs enough to understand that most dungeons simply aren't threatening to the tank. Right now, there are only two pulls I will be apprehensive on. The first pulls in Bardams and Akadaemia Anyder. Outside of that, there just isn't any need to care. Regen > Asylum > Benison and start holying away, maybe burn a lily if it'll get me a Misery whilst the pack is still up. With Regen up a tank pretty much needs to AFK in a pack of ground markers to have any risk of dieing. Why panic when there's just no need to? That's your cue to congratulate my amazing play of the game btw.

Secondly, peoples mistakes are on them. Don't get me wrong, if I can save someone from the bad I absolutely will. I don't play this game to watch people die and step over their corpses. But if they are eating the bad repeatedly to the extent where I have to chose between letting them or the tank die. They will die and I will shed precisely 0 tears over it. They made the mistakes, not me. I will do what I can. If that's not enough, so be it. In all the years I've played this game, I've had exactly one DPS go off on me. And ironically it was because I was getting killed by the collar on Baelsar's wall. Again, there was nothing more I could do in that situation. No sleep was lost that day.

Thirdly, players in this game have an almost comical aversion to death. It's genuinely both intriguing and borderline comical. I've seen people handle their deaths better in full Everquest 1 Plane of Hate/Fear raid wipes that ended up needing a second raid to recover the bodies. Meanwhile in FFXIV, there is basically no meaningful death penalty for a wipe in a dungeon. Stuff doesn't respawn. Items don't get lost. Corpses don't need to be recovered. Yet some people absolutely flip off the rails over it. I remember at the launch of SB, I got caught napping when I started spamming Bardam's on SCH. I was busy slurping my coffee and didn't realise I didn't have aetherflow or a pet until the barrier dropped and the tank sprinted off. I didn't quite have enough in my pocket to keep the tank up and wound up with a stray add on my back as well. It was a dumb wipe and I'll happily take the blame for it as I should have had an extra 3 aetherflow charges and been closer to the tank if I wasn't dozing at the start. Lesson learned on my part but amusingly the tank flipped their wig over it and refused to budge from the start. So myself and the DPS just carried on clearing without them.

Making mistakes and dieing is only a bad thing if you are too pigheaded to learn from it. I've died plenty in this game (Sorry to disappoint on the amazing front sir).

Rather than whine or blame game, I look back at the shadowplay and even if it wasn't my fault, I'll see if I can adapt and improve to prevent it happening again. Can't run shadowplay? Run a private passworded stream to somewhere like twitch or YouTubetv. I used to use a private hitbox.tv account when I was doing progression raid so the other FC healers would also watch and help analyse or suggest things. There's a multitude of easy ways to really improve ones play if one is willing to actually make the effort to do so. Unfortunately many simply aren't.