I believe you have just answered your question. However, the toxicity is still there. I still have to meld Direct Hit as it's what the end game expects you to have melded, and if you don't? Then the community of the end game that are looking at your stats and telling you what to meld anyway. SE want's to believe that this doesn't happen if they don't give the exact details of your characters stats, and I also don't understand BiS argument anyway. I mean if the numbers are superfluous then why the huge emphasis? I have stacked CRIT on my monk and yes I crit often, but everyone want's DH or Determination when I try to get in savage with my monk. It makes no sense. Maybe monk is a bad example when comparing melds since monk is so RNG heavy.
Anyways! I'm in the camp meld what you want since this game doesn't really have build diversity anyway. Each job get's the job done mentality works to a point until each job just no longer feels unique.