Tanks deal with mechanics like anyone else, Healers have a high responsibility true, and they have the responsibility to push their buttons in a timely manner to counter the damage going out from the boss. Should tanks not mitigate properly they risk going splat if the healer isn't putting in extra legwork. Tanks their job is to make the life of the healer easier so they can cast their glares.
The only responsibility dps has is to dish out enough damage for the boss to die and the tanks and healers help them there. Asides from doing the mechanics there isn't much more responsibility, if a dps or two dies along the way nothing changes unless there is a mechanic that requires them alive.
However tanks make mistakes like anyone else due to "stupidity", should they however die during the dragon phase of Shiva you will quickly see the dps dying one by one. And that isn't the only instance where it can quickly spiral downward when a tank dies. Of course, if we are talking about max item level characters then it's more lenient depending on the content you are doing.
I've been tanking for quite a few years, I've seen many iterations or versions of the tank class and the one that FFXIV provides right now is quite good and most importantly easy to roll in to since holding agro isn't an issue and that's what the majority of newcomers tend to be afraid of.
"Plenty of people" is essentially hearsay from your surroundings. Truth is however that when you are under-geared or barely geared for the content, a mistake from a tank will increase the taxation on healers by quite a load. Missing a Divine Veil or another tank cooldown will lead to a casualty or two.
Now when everyone is out gearing the content of course you won't miss a reprisal or the off Rampart, that's the privilege of gear. It makes dps their lives easier as well because now they don't have to try as hard to dish out the same damage as they are supposed to do to kill the boss. Tanks can just survive more! It's in the end a difference of what, 25k health and quite a substantial amount of armor/magic resistance when we compare the previous tier of gear to the current tier.
I know that now I can take 4 stacks at Ramuh and I can still live through it when getting tank bustered by the bird. Was I able to do that in the first week? Nop.
However, if we look out of the raiding scene then any job out there is "easy".
However, the part where you said that you'd kick a dps for performing low but you'd keep a tank purely based on the criteria that he doesn't die is quite the double standard. A tank has his responsibility to dish out damage and position the boss correctly so the dps can have max uptime with a minimum amount of movement. If he can't do either, the party can compensate or adjust but then you are playing with an awful tank. On top of that, they are also responsible for their own dps and to mitigate accordingly so the healers don't have to waste a GCD healing them.
And this is why I believe the current tank iteration is pretty good considering it follows these criteria:
1. They use cooldowns to mitigate damage on themselves and the party
2. They position the boss accordingly so the dps can dish out as much damage as possible without losing uptime
3. They contribute to an actual metric that is accepted by the community


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